But that’s what alcohol does; it has a tricky way of making you think you’re cooler than you are. Alcohol inflates your ego and makes you say the snarky things you wouldn’t usually say. It makes you tell the personal stories you wouldn’t usually tell.
It has a way of giving you that main character in film energy. The problem is that sometimes that main character is destructive.
Don’t get me wrong, alcohol and I have had some fun times together, especially as I’ve gotten older and discovered nice cocktails.
However, I can’t ignore that alcohol is the reason I barely graduated from college years ago. Wild nights out kept me from attending classes, and it’s the reason I always felt sick and couldn’t focus. Alcohol is the reason I cringe when I look back on memories of acting ridiculous or saying too much. I still think of these moments, some of which were from ten years ago. Other moments happened last year.
That’s why I took a 6-month break from drinking.
Sitting on the fence.
The thought of giving up the drink can stir up questions and feelings of resistance. You wonder how it would affect your social life and then quickly tell yourself you don’t need a break because you’re not an alcoholic.
Maybe you’re not an alcoholic, but if the idea of giving up drinking has been on your mind, it’s because you’ve crossed a boundary with yourself. Maybe in the past year, you’ve thrown up some, embarrassed yourself here and there, or slept with some odd ducks.
Alcohol might be a big part of your world, and these comforting indulgences can become a habit if we’re not careful. Maybe you always drink too much negronis with your partner. You get wasted on Bloody Mary’s at brunch. You and your coworkers have a habit of getting boozy and oversharing at happy hour. Maybe you can’t imagine a sober date or a picnic by the lake without overdoing it on your favorite craft beers. All of this is okay unless you feel it isn’t.
Some of us have this little voice telling us to take a step back. We aren’t addicted, but we wonder if we are inching closer. We don’t like how much we drink or how we feel afterward. We’re getting older, and the hangovers are worse. We’re seeing how drinking affects us in our relationships. We’ve slowed down since our younger days, but it’s not enough; something feels off.
While we might laugh at the silly and wild times, we feel sad about the times we lost control.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever experienced the following when drinking:
- You’ve experienced word vomit — that moment where you share how you “really” feel. That moment where you take a negative thought you’ve had once or twice and blow it out of proportion.
- You’ve spoken about something inappropriate and still cringe about it years later. I’ll never forget the time I steered the conversation at a dinner party to bleaching buttholes despite never having bleached mine. No one wanted this conversation, but I kept going and giving details about an article I read. Perhaps this resonates with you.
- You’ve slept with someone you shouldn’t have because you were drunk — someone who was off-limits. You felt horrible afterward.
- You’ve thrown up in a cab, on the street, or in someone’s flower garden. You’ve had cab drivers yell at you or charge the cleaning fee. Or maybe you have a reputation as the friend who pukes. For a while, you were okay with this distinction. Then one day, you got tired of being the joke.
- You’ve injured yourself in some way. Injuries can happen when you’re stumbling around and overestimating your balance and strength. Injuries can happen as you attempt a split on the dance floor. Be careful out there.
- You’ve experienced blackouts. When hearing people say they’ve never blacked out, you feel shocked. They’ve never blacked out? How? That was a normal thing in my twenties.
- You’ve done things that left you feeling deeply ashamed. Told a horrible lie, hurt yourself or someone else, did something that could get you in big trouble, etc. Maybe that memory sits in the back of your mind, perpetuating the shame that fuels your drinking.
- You’ve ruined a relationship because of drinking. Or maybe you ended it with someone who didn’t drink, not realizing how good that could’ve been for you.
If your relationship with alcohol looked like this at some point, or maybe still does, you’re not alone.
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