Why Special parents need mercy

When there is a child in a family who has some life-threatening trait, we usually talk about special children. A trait can be either a physical, mental, or social anomaly, but in some ways, he is perceived as different — special. At the same time, it is often forgotten that a special situation affects not only the special child himself but the whole family. At the same time, one should always remember to focus on the child's special parents, special siblings, and the special family as a whole.

An illness or other abnormality in one child requires the other family to cope more than usual. When resources are constantly being tested, each one needs more support. It must be recognized that in addition to the special child, the parents and siblings are also in a special situation. If parenting is associated with a challenge and conflicting emotional states anyway, then in special parenting they are even more pronounced.

The parent must be able to take care of both the special child and their own and the special child's siblings at the same time. The equation is already so challenging in principle that no one can do it perfectly. One must also remember to forgive oneself for one’s own shortcomings and content oneself with being able to do only one’s best. And yes, parents usually do their best.

“Above all, parents should be more merciful to themselves; sometimes things just don’t go as well as you would like yourself to”

If the question of whether it could still be a slightly better parent, easily leads to excessive self-blame. Carrying guilt, on the other hand, is burdensome and further consumes the scarce resources needed in parenting.

The most difficult things are those that are difficult to see or drown under the chaos and survival of everyday life. Life can feel like a constant struggle with coping with yourself and a special child. When life can only be planned for a day or a week at a time, it is considerably difficult, sometimes even impossible, to pay enough attention to children who do not have similar special needs.

In addition to the difficult life situation, parents also need special sensitivity to recognize changes in their other children, as the challenges posed by a special child are most often reflected in the siblings as well. For some children, it can manifest itself as awkward behavior, while for others, it manifests as a child trying to be as uncomfortable as possible for their parents, who have their hands full of work with the special needs of the sibling. In these situations, it must be possible to see where the situation is coming from and to take sufficient care of the needs of all children.

In such challenging family situations, parents have the right to receive support for themselves. Peer support and societal support may be necessary and the only means to prevent severe exhaustion. But a touch of mercy is also needed. Above all, parents should be more merciful to themselves; sometimes things just don’t go as well as you would like yourself to.

The well-being of special children and their siblings and parents can best be taken care of when the needs of all of them are adequately met. Children have a right to childhood and parents have a need to live a balanced life. No one’s specificity eliminates the basic needs of others nor excessive attempting on anyone’s special needs. Grace can reduce even a little of the extra burden of parenting.