Winter has always been a difficult time for me in Michigan, with its many gray days, not too much sunlight. I woke up feeling heavy, lazy and tired. I longed to get the covers off my head and head back to my safe sleeping area. I felt something was wrong but I really didn't care what it was. I knew I didn’t want to face another difficult day of the sleeping world. I felt scared, but I didn't know why. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I could not decide if I wanted to shave or bathe first, so I made that very difficult decision to wash.
The normal thoughts that were running through my head every morning, would I ever get rid of that feeling? Why did I always feel this way? Maybe this is normal and I will eventually get over it? Eventually, I was completely awake and the small tasks seemed big, tedious and weird but I kept going. I started my day by looking at the mistakes in everything except myself. I was very short and angry with those close to me and I did not notice, so I walked out the door to work and went to work. All day long, at work, I could hear rude people talking to me, asking questions, but there was nothing.
Outside I put a large front so that no one could see, but I was trapped in a deep dark world, personal hell. I could easily forget things, even when I was writing them down. The order, no matter how I organized things, seemed insignificant, because I was depressed and felt depressed. I couldn’t really decide what to do about it because everything seemed to be going my way. When I started, something was like climbing a mountain and I could not see very well. At times, I was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and despair. I felt that no one knew what I was going through or that they could help me. I was easily offended and irritated by everything and everyone. There were times of panic / anxiety attacks in the middle of the night, that was not fun.
My normal day was like that movie "Ground Hog Day" with Bill Murray where he had to keep repeating that day until he fixed it. What I later found out was that somewhere, I had allowed myself to fall into depression and I did not realize it. When I finally admitted that I was depressed and needed to do something it took me a while to find the right solutions through trial and error. The only person who can get you out of Depression is you, but I have to tell you the great secret of my St Johns Wort success which I took about 6 months. If you need to know more about what I was taking come to my forum for more details. Now I do well, focus, drive, and energize, and I care about what happens to me and others. I jump out of bed, I can't wait to deal with all the problems I have (These are the problems now, before they become major problems).
I do not have the emotions I had before. I don't go with "brightly colored mirrors", but I like the clear view now without the feeling of numbness. Depression is a traumatic event that many will go through in their lives, but depression does not have to take your life beyond the help available. Responses and treatments will vary from person to person what works for one person may not work for another. Allowing oneself to become a victim of stress and addiction will adversely affect you and others.
Depression brings you to the depths of feeling that you have no power to accomplish anything or beat the stress itself, a vicious cycle. Depression seems to cause many physical ailments that can be treated with medication. It’s time to dump her and move on. Being able to feel normal and manage life is your right. When people look at others cool and calm they seem to control everything that may not be the case, because most of us are able to prioritize. Good priorities are good for a while, but you need to deal with distractions.
Depression slowly destroys your will and undermines any efforts to find happiness in normal life. This is not what anyone wants. Lastly, I want you to know that depressed people are very intelligent, loving and compassionate and have a lot to offer the world, but they should see that they are depressed, acknowledge it and find a solution.
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