I've had many self-confidence issues in my life that I've either dealt with or overcome. I have written about some of these issues below.
1. Bald Patch
2. My height
3. My weight
4. Stuttering
5. My lack of self-belief
6. My career
BALD PATCH
Although it may seem trivial to some people, I was born with a bald spot the size of a tenpence. As I went through my childhood and especially my teenage years, I became increasingly self-conscious and paranoid about it.
It was especially noticeable when it rained or when I went swimming because my hair was wet. People at school made fun of me and I was forever trying to hide and cover up my bald spot, even though most people knew about it.
It hurt when people laughed at me and eventually I stopped going swimming altogether.
MY HEIGHT
Out of all my close male family and friends, I'm the shortest at 5ft 4. That probably shouldn't affect my confidence, but with people looking down on me all the time, it does. I have been called many names, the nicest of which is "Shorty".
I was always jealous of people taller than me. I was hoping that one day I might have a late spurt. This never came.
My height affected me in sports. I wanted to be a forward in soccer, but the coaches only wanted people over 6 feet tall. In snooker I have to use the rest all the time which makes it difficult to play at my best and in tennis I was constantly lobbed. It also meant that I was only comfortable with women 5ft 3 and under which greatly reduced the available market.
MY WEIGHT
I was very thin during high school. Maybe it was a result of my parents becoming vegetarian when I was twelve. At the time there were very few substitute foods and it seemed like we went from meat and two vegetables to just two vegetables.
When my parents cooked food, I didn't have much choice but to become a vegetarian as well. After a few weeks I approached them and told them I missed them and wanted to eat meat. They understood to some extent and said:
"If You Want It, Cook It"
At this age, I could only be bothered to cook properly a few days a week, and that gradually became less and less.
People at school called me skin and bones, and my weight became another area of paranoia for me.
stutter
I started stuttering at the age of four. It got progressively worse as I got older, even though my parents were told I would grow out of it.
What fluent people would consider simple tasks like reading from a book at school, answering questions, saying my name and address, ordering things at a bar or restaurant, and making phone calls became a constant struggle.
It was a very frustrating obstacle because I seemed to be able to speak quite fluently with people I knew well and felt comfortable with, but at other times, especially under any pressure, I couldn't say a word.
At the age of twenty-two, after about eleven months of sheer hard work and practice, I overcame my stuttering and now help other stutterers achieve fluency and also help people with self-esteem issues.
MY UNBELIEF
I have always had a lack of faith in a certain area.
For example, I would notice a woman in a bar and want to go up to her and talk to her, but I would have a negative attitude that I'm not good enough, why would she be interested in me? I stutter, I'm bald, I have a menial job and I'm very thin.
Even if I approach her and succeed, I'm expected to buy her a drink, or call her, or meet her parents, and maybe even marry her! The thought of attempting these things with a stutter and lack of social confidence was too daunting for me.
I left school at sixteen mainly because of my lack of confidence and stuttering, but then I had trouble finding a job. My lack of faith showed again. Who would want to employ someone who stutters, lacks confidence, and is shy around people?
MY CAREER
After leaving school at the age of sixteen, I now had to find a job. Suffering from a stutter and a general lack of confidence meant that work involving the phone or interacting with other people on a regular basis wasn't really an option.
I decided that I could handle office duties and ended up getting a job at an insurance company.
I started in the lowest class, in number two, and the work was routine and mundane. The average length of stay at this level before promotion was six months. The third class post involved phone sharing and this is something I found very difficult to use.
To be promoted you had to apply in writing to the personnel officer and then if you passed the interview you were promoted. My attitude was that if I didn't sign up, I would stay as a sophomore, which is what I wanted. I was probably the only person in the country who didn't want to be promoted.
My boss would ask me at regular intervals why I wasn't reporting and I would make up excuses. To keep him happy, I did the insurance exams. After three years I completed my first qualification which was a set of five exams. To my dismay, my boss congratulated me by announcing that he was promoting me to third grade starting Monday without the need for an interview.
The promotion was actually supposed to give me confidence, but when my stuttering got out of control under pressure and some of my colleagues made fun of me, I became increasingly withdrawn and depressed.
I was invited to social events and made up excuses why I couldn't go because I didn't believe I could handle the occasion and all the social event.
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