From childhood, we are all taught that our lives won’t have any meaning unless we get married and have children. Who we decide to ultimately marry is based on several factors including parental pressure, our socio-economic status, and where we live and go to college. When it comes to deciding who to marry, you don’t want to take it lightly. This is why you should trust astrology to make the decision for you. That’s what we’re going to accomplish today! Looking for a good wife? From Cancer to Sagittarius, check out these Zodiac profiles ranked from best to worst!
1. CANCER (June 21 — July 22)
Cancers are super smart, stay in good shape, and are constantly in need of mental stimulation. They are also often looking for a good fight, but after all of that make-up s e x , you will agree that it was all worth it. They will make a lot of babies with you, that’s for sure.
2. PISCES (February 19 — March 20)
Pisces are extremely demanding, but fortunately you’re absolutely up for the challenge because you expect nothing but the best from yourself. As long as you meet all of their standards, they will remain extremely loyal to you. They also love riding roller coasters and baking apple pies.
3. LIBRA (September 23 — October 22)
When you marry a Libra, it’s like a badge of honor. But be warned: she has a tendency to get very catty and suffers from bouts of hysteria! Her massive mood swings will always take you by surprise even when you expect them, and if you don’t give her exactly what she wants, you will pay the price. She’s plenty kinky as well. We’re talking whips and chains. With all of this, who in the world would ever want to pass up on such a woman?
4. TAURUS (April 20 — May 20)
If you’re somebody whose life is defined by shooting first and asking questions later, then boy oh boy you’ve definitely got to marry a Taurus. You have no idea what you’re getting into with these kinds of girls, but due to their whimsical nature and playful antics, your marriage will not be the least bit boring.
5. AQUARIUS (January 20 — February 18)
Women born during the month of Aquarius are constantly looking for excitement in their marriage. Since you’re the life of the party, this will never be a problem. Keeping up with them will be intense. If they were hamsters, they would be running around on that spinning wheel for hours on end. They are also extremely educated, often possessing advanced degrees from some of the most elite public universities in the southwestern United States (Arizona State, anybody?).
6. CAPRICORN (December 22 — January 19)
Capricorns are very business-like both in the sack and when it comes to raising children. They keep everything organized in Google Docs files. You know exactly when you’re having s e x because it will be on her calendar, she will never forget those online utility bill payments, and she will not hesitate to use that credit card to the best of her ability when going on shopping sprees.
7. GEMINI (May 21 — June 20)
Now we’re reaching a stage where the wife-types become more and more eccentric, starting with Geminis, who first and foremost demand you get them pregnant with identical twins if you want the marriage to last. Given that only around 4 in 1,000 pregnancies end up this way, it’s a challenging task indeed! They are also very scatterbrained, never quite reaching the point whenever they have a story to share. And oh do they have stories to share!
8. SCORPIO (October 23 — November 21)
Scorpios are artistically inclined, natural-born pianists and beatnik poets. The downside is that they are so consumed with their talents that they will hardly have time to raise your children. This is when having a highly paid job and nanny become very useful. Because one thing is certain: her career as a barista at some obscure hipster coffee house isn’t going to pay the bills!
9. VIRGO (August 23 — September 22)
If you want to marry a Virgo, you better have a moral compass because she definitely will not. She is absolutely ruthless and will do whatever it takes to get what she wants, even if it means cracking a few eggs and heads along the way. Your best bet is to just agree with her in every single situation. And never make eye contact with her. It’s all in the prenup. She’s got a really crafty lawyer.
10. LEO (July 23 — August 22)
This is the sign of the zodiac that often brings out the worst in people, and this is especially true when it’s a woman. They never think on their feet and they only focus on short-term goals with absolutely no regards to what will happen tomorrow. They will love you forever, and by “love” we mean manipulate you into believing you are the king of the world.
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11. ARIES (March 21 — April 19)
Of all the Zodiac signs, Aries are unquestionably the hottest. They shower every single day (sometimes even twice a day) and would never be caught dead carrying anything less than a Gucci handbag crafted from brown alligator and with bamboo handles. She has zero self-esteem issues and knows how amazing she is. Just make sure to keep an eye on her at all times. Sneak a tracking device app onto her phone is what we mean.
12. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 — December 21)
Looking for the opposite of loyalty and stability? Sagittariuses have you covered! They aren’t big fans of family life and always question why they’re married, especially after their fifth marriage and beyond. Her intentions are never good. Avoid these woman at all costs!
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