Today we will talk about a special journey of mine. Winter in Michigan has always been a tough time for me, with its many gray days, and not much sunshine. I woke up feeling heavy, lethargic and still tired. I wanted to pull back the cover on my head and return to my safe sleeping position. I felt something was, wrong, but didn't really care what it was. I knew I didn't want to face another grueling day outside the world of sleep. I was scared, but don't know why. I dragged myself out of bed and got into the bathroom. I was not able to decide whether to shave first or take a shower, then I took that very difficult decision of taking a bath. The usual thoughts that ran through my mind every morning, would I ever recover from this feeling? Why did I feel like this all the time? Maybe this is normal, and I'll get over it eventually?
In the end, I was fully awake, small tasks seemed monumental, difficult and overwhelming, but I carried on. I started my day by finding faults in everything except myself. I was very angry with the people closest to me and I didn't even realize it, then I work door to door. The rest of the day, at work, I felt stunned people talking to me, asking questions, but nothing was happening. From the outside I erected a large front so that no one could see, but I was trapped in a deep dark world, a personal hell.
I was forgetting things very easily, even though I had written them down. Organization, no matter how I arranged things, didn't matter, because I was depressed and feeling hazy. I couldn't decide exactly what to start with, as it all seemed overwhelming. When I started something, it was like climbing a mountain and I couldn't see the top. Sometimes I felt a sinking feeling or a sense of little hope for something. I felt like no one knew what I was going through or could help me. I used to get angry and irritated easily at everything and everyone. Panic/anxiety attacks happened in the middle of the night, they weren't fun.
My normal day was like that movie "Ground Hog Day" with Bill Murray, where he had to repeat the same day over and over again until he recovered. I found out later that somewhere, I let myself go into a state of depression and didn't realize it or even really accept it. When I finally admitted that I was depressed and needed to do something, it took me time to find the right solution by trial and error. The only person who can get you out of depression is you, but I have to tell you the big secret of my success, which was pharmaceutical grade St John's Wort, which I took for about 6 months. I'll go into more detail there if you need to know more about visiting my forum.
Now that I'm doing great, I have the focus, drive, energy, and care about what happens to me and others. I jump out of bed, can't wait to tackle all the issues at hand (they are issues now, before they were big problems). I don't have the same emotional instincts as before. I'm not walking around with "rose-tinted glasses" by any means, but now have like a clear view, without the faintly blurry feeling.
Depression is an emotionally exhausting journey that many people go through in their lifetime, but depression doesn't have to rule your life, there is a lot of support out there. Responses and treatments will vary from person to person. What works for one person may not work for another. Allowing a state of depression to control you and become the norm will negatively affect you and others. Depression drives you so deep that you feel like you don't have the energy to accomplish anything or even defeat the depression itself, a vicious cycle. Depression appears to be the cause of many physical ailments that can be eliminated with treatment. Now is the time to get off the emotional numbness and rollercoaster you've been on but can't remember where.
It is your right to feel normal and be able to handle life. When people see others as calm and calm, it seems like they have everything under control, which it probably isn't, because many of us can actually put up a good front. It's okay to have a good front for a while, but you need to let go of the distractions. 'Depression slowly destroys your desire and sabotage any pursuit of your happiness for a normal life, this is not what one wants.'
In conclusion, I want you all to know that depressed people are highly intelligent, loving and sensitive people who have a lot to contribute to the world, but they need to realize that they are depressed, accept it and find the solution. Share it if you like
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