I have a four year old son. He is very physically active and has fine motor skills. I was much better at most sports at his age. Most of our friends have their kids in sports and like most "soccer moms" they go from event to event - especially on the weekends. We attended several football games and a few things struck me during and after the games. The most obvious was that there were plenty of kids who would rather be somewhere else and whose parents were an enthusiastic part of the group. There were also parents who screamed and carried on. No less with his children. That's not right, I thought, I have to look into it.
Now you say "that guy must have been watching a game in some rough part of town" but nothing could be further from the truth. No, the problem wasn't the neighborhood or the children. It was seen in the parents and their approach to the game. I would be greatly blessed if someone wrote "How to Get Your Kids in the Sports Handbook - Parent Edition". I could give them away by the box. Here is the basic problem. Does the child play sports because you expect them to or because they enjoy playing? Simple enough question, right? I asked 10 parents after the game and they all said "Oh he loves it". "Are you sure?" I would ask, "How can you know?". I got a few blank stares and some laughed. The most common answer was "we know children". I thought so.
Next, I asked the children one by one what they liked about the game they had just played. I got some interesting answers to be sure. "My friend Tommy was here", "I scored a goal so dad will be happy", "I wanted to go home, my stomach hurt but I had to play". Did he have to play? Why? I asked. “My big brother played and I got to do everything he did. Okay, now I had something to talk about. Let's look at why we have our children in sports in the first place.
* Outdoor activity
* Keeps physically active
* Builds strong bodies
* Builds self-confidence
* Children have fun
* Something we can do together
I'm sure there are more reasons, but these came up more than any others in my little survey. In this case it was football, but in the case of hockey the outdoor element is obviously removed. Still, I feel like the parents' intent was to get the kid out of the house, not just outside. I think it was, make him run a few laps around the house. Keeping kids active is a great idea, and with so many kids fatter than ever, I'm all for it. Again, however, it was all we could walk or cycle with them. Why sports? Building bodies is true to some extent, but it can also be too much for a child. We must ensure that this is done in moderation. Self-confidence. Now there's something I hear all the time. Sure, when a child is good at what they do and feels like they can overcome problems by trying harder, that's good, but what happens to a 4-year-old who fails? We will come back to that later. Children are having fun. I should hope so, but I've seen a few people who haven't, and there are a few reasons why. And finally we will do something together. Something we can enjoy and be excited about. Decent, as long as it's not a one-way street.
Let's break down these arguments further. What will motivate us to choose a sport for our children? Usually our own experience. We played something like children. Were we good? I see parents projecting themselves onto their kids by choosing a sport first and then expecting a ration from the kids. Often more than they can deliver. I once saw a man in one section throwing a softball at a very small purchase, maybe 5 years old. The boy kept missing and missing and all the man said was "come on try it!". Purchase tried and failed. Tried and failed. he started crying and his father said "there's no crying in baseball, now hit the ball". I was ready to take my father aside and show him my size 12 shoe, but I thought better of it. We all see what he did wrong, but can we see a lesser example of the same? Maybe we do it without knowing it. Maybe.
As humans, we learn much faster from failure than from success, so make sure you set your kids up for success the first few times you do something with them. Positive thinking. If they still fail, change the thing you're doing until they do. I kicked my son a soccer ball and even though he could have kicked it back, he chose to pick it up with his hands. Instead of telling him that picking it up was wrong and making the whole thing negative, I showed him how he could throw the ball at my foot and then I did the same. The ball was soon back on the ground and we played as normal. They don't know the rules, they just want to succeed, and they measure that success by your reaction and your praise. If they don't enjoy something or just can't do it, move on to something else. Don't force them into a sport because that's what you wanted to do. Let them show you what they want. Expose them to a few and watch them. Are they quick to pick up the rules? Can they do it?
In the end, the most important thing is that they have fun. They enjoy it if you are proud of them and if they are allowed to succeed. Give them all the means to do so and let them lead the way. Not every kid is going to like football because his brother did. Let him choose himself. This builds trust.
You must be logged in to post a comment.