Knowing what to say to a loved one who is depressed can feel like a minefield if you've never experienced it. Of course, you want to be helpful, but you don't know where to start , and you might feel so uncomfortable that you just avoid the conversation altogether.
Here are seven things you should never say to someone suffering from depression, as well as some alternatives.
1. "I'll just give you some breathing room."
People suffering from depression are typically withdrawn, with feelings of loneliness and isolation at an all-time high. That doesn't mean you should ignore them. Support systems are difficult to find for those suffering from depression, and hearing that someone wants to separate themselves as a result of a person's depression can be demoralizing and frightening. Even if you're not sure how to help someone who is depressed, don't abandon them. Sit with them, listen to them, and show them how much they mean to you. A simple phone call or text message letting them know you're on their side and eager to assist in any way possible can make all the difference.
2. "You don't appear to be depressed."
Unlike some physical illnesses, mental illnesses, such as depression, does not have a 'face.' Just because someone does not appear to be struggling does not mean they are not. It is critical to remember that the outside does not always correspond to the inside. Depression is not something that can be simply observed and identified in a person. Many people suffering from depression put on a happy and content façade for others in order to not burden those around them or attract unwanted attention. Statements like this can diminish the severity of depression for someone who is in the grip of it. Make an effort to avoid making assumptions about what depression looks like.
3. "Things could be a lot worse."
No thank you, captain obvious! Even if you're trying to cheer them up, reminding them that they could be in a much worse situation is dismissive. Even talking to someone about depression is an incredible feat for someone who is suffering from it, and it requires more energy and bravery than they believe they have within themselves. Making statements that minimize the battle they are fighting will make the individual feel unsafe when discussing their depression. As this person's friend or family member, it's critical to make them feel heard and understood when they express their feelings.
4. "Things will improve."
When someone is depressed, it is common for them to be unable to see the 'light at the end of the tunnel.' When people are unable to find their way out of the dark hole they are currently in, statements like these can cause them to feel hopeless, helpless, and defeated. Saying things like this also puts pressure on a person to improve, and they may feel guilty or ashamed if they can't simply look on the bright side. Reframe your statements so that the person knows you understand their pain and difficulty, but that you understand it will take time to get to a better place.
5. "You may think that's bad, but so-and-so had it a lot worse."
Comparing depression levels is like comparing apples to oranges. Never use statements that compare one's pain and struggle to the pain and struggle of others. The severity of depression is determined by perception as well as personal circumstances, resources, and history. Claims like these are invalidating and can show a lack of respect for the person's perspective on the world and situation. Remember that everyone is unique, and you have no way of knowing what someone is going through.
6. “Cheer up!”
Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy? Depression does not go away with the flip of a switch, nor do happy and cheerful thoughts simply remove depressive symptoms. Depression is a multifaceted and complex struggle. When you tell someone to 'just cheer up,' and they can't, they may feel like they've failed.
7. "You wouldn't be depressed if you just......"
Depression does not occur as a result of a lack of action, but it also does not disappear with a single action. Oversimplification of depression through statements like this places blame on the individual and can lead to feelings of guilt and shame. While depression can be attributed to environmental factors, there is also a genetic component, so it is not something that can be remedied solely through actions. If you know someone who is depressed, it is best to refer the patient to a medical or mental health professional for appropriate treatment.
You must be logged in to post a comment.