Do you go with your speech? Most of us like to think that we understand what we are saying and that we mean what we say. Then why do we keep saying that we will stop doing this, or start doing that, and find that we keep doing the same old things?
Many New Year's resolutions are simply abandoned. We are not liars. We are honest then. But sooner or later, we find ourselves confronted with conflicting emotions, our own beliefs and actions. Most of the time we play with a system of self-deception and denial. We say we are the same person, while doing things that are contrary to our desired image. Psychologists call it the “cognitive dissonance,” a state of discomfort when we say one thing and then do another.
We will do our best to avoid that feeling, which is why we create a detailed system of deception, denial, and behavior that we are not aware of. Facing the fact that we do not act as we believe we should be is painful and unpleasant. We do not have time for that.
Negative emotions disrupt our productivity and focus on the tasks and goals we have. So we live with dissent and denial, and our inner struggle seems to be part of who we are. We find a way to excuse ourselves. We forgive our disagreements. We are only human, after all.
The problem is that all that conflict below drains our energy and spirit. The amount we pay for not addressing these issues is fatigue, irritability, and lack of energy. It takes a huge amount of energy to keep the different aspects of our personality in a certain way. Most people do not realize the magnitude of their inner difficulty. We get into trouble when we set unreasonable goals for ourselves.
We have competing qualifications and competing commitments. On the other hand, we might be seriously concerned about our health and want to maintain a healthy set of values. On the other hand, we too are committed to having fun and to enjoy life. The two standards may compete for attention, and often the immediate pursuit of pleasure will outweigh any delay in satisfaction. We can value family life and work hard to provide our families with happiness and comfort. But what happens when our commitment to work and financial success interrupts spending time with children and spouses? What about our sense of order? What happens when we focus on doing things that are far more important than doing the things that matter most? Humans are complex animals, with competing spirits and many treasures. It is not easy to know them well. How do you get to know yourself so that you can set proper goals and priorities? Try to identify 3-5 values and priorities that motivate you the most. Then point out any competing values that you should be satisfied with. Often what we value is the opposite of what we value and what we value. These competing values should be incorporated into your mind. Once you have identified your strongest ambitions, as well as competing drives that strive for your attention and focus, review your goals and priorities to respect both sides of your personality. Try to set realistic goals that will allow both sides of your values to compete. Both sides of you will love it for it!
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