Emotional a b u s e, which is sometimes called psychological a b u s e, is a pattern of behavior that damages a child's sense of self-worth and negatively impacts their emotional development.1 In addition to withholding love and support, the person emotionally a b u s i n g the child also may reject, criticize, threaten, demean, and berate the child. They also may humiliate the child, engage in name-calling, and insult them.
Emotional a b u s e can occur in conjunction with physical a b u s e, intercourse, a b u s e, or neglect and is one of the hardest forms of a b u s e to recognize. Often, it is subtle and insidious, slowly chipping away at the child's self-esteem and sense of safety and belonging.
Like other forms of a b u s e, emotional child a b u s e is about power and control. The perpetrator manipulates and controls the child by using words and actions that are emotionally hurtful and damaging. Experiencing emotional a b u s e is linked with devastating lasting effects, including increased rates of disease and mental health disorders.
In 2017, 2.3% of children in the United States experienced psychological or emotional maltreatment, according to a report prepared by the Administration on Children, Youth, and Families.
Authorities can confirm cases of maltreatment (including emotional and other types of a b u s e) in 1 in 8 children, or 12.5%, during their lifetimes. However, many cases are never reported. Researchers estimate that 40% of children will ultimately experience childhood maltreatment.
Signs of Emotional Child A b u s e
Emotional a b u s e can be harder to detect than other forms of child a b u s e. Typically, it takes place in the confines of a child’s home, often with no outside witnesses. There might not be any obvious, outward signs that a b u s e is taking place (as there would be with physical a b u s e). Sometimes, a child's behavior is the only thing that indicates that there is a problem.
Developmentally inappropriate behavior, such as acting very immature or too mature for their age, can be a sign of a b u s e, as can dramatic behavioral changes. For example, a child who used to be self-assured and did not seek extra attention might suddenly become clingy to non-a b u s i v e adults. Additionally, a child might start acting out or having trouble socially or academically.
Identifying Emotional A b u s e
Behaviors that can be signs of emotional A b u s e include:
- Anxiety, depression, and/or avoidance
- Declining performance at school
- Delayed emotional development
- Desire to hurt themselves or other people
- Desperately seeking affection from other adults
- Developmental regression (for example, bedwetting)
- Frequent complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or other somatic symptoms with no known cause
- Loss of interest in social activities or other interests
Low self-esteem
You might assume that a child being a b u s e d wouldn't be attached to the adult caregiver who is a b u s i n g them—but this is not always the case. Children often remain loyal to the person who is a b u s i n g them. Parent-child relationships are complex and children typically want the approval and love of their parents, even if their caretaker is a b u s i v e. Plus, they may be afraid of what will happen if they disclose the a b u s e.
An emotionally a b u s e d child also might think that being called names, heavily criticized, or denied affection is a normal way of life. They might not tell anyone about the a b u s e because they believe their experiences represent normal family behavior. Additionally, they may be embarrassed or think it is their fault.
Traits of Perpetrators
While perpetrators of emotional a b u s e can be hard to identify, there are potential signs that may indicate an adult is a b u s i n g a child. Belittling the child in public, openly admitting to disliking or hating the child, applying severe punishments, having unrealistic expectations, and being emotionally distant or indifferent are emotionally a b u s i v e behaviors. Some people who a b u s e children have a history of violence and aggression or have substance use disorders.
However, if you believe a child is being emotionally a b u s e d, don't automatically assume that the a b u s e is being perpetrated by the child's parents. While a child is more likely to be a b u s e d by a caregiver or family member, any authority figure can be a b u s i v e. For instance, a coach, a daycare worker, teacher, pastor, or even an older sibling could be a b u s i n g the child. Also, there could be other causes of a child's changes in behavior.
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