You may not think you are being A B U S E D. if you're not being hurt physically. But emotional and verbal a b u s e can have short-term and long-lasting effects that are just as serious as the effects of physical a b u s e . Emotional and verbal a b u s e includes insults and attempts to scare, isolate, or control you. It is also often a sign that physical a b u s e may follow. Emotional and verbal a b u s e may also continue if physical a b u s e starts. If you have been a b u s e d , it is never your fault.
How can I tell if I’m being emotionally or verbally a b u s e d ?
- You may be experiencing emotional or verbal a b u s e if someone:
- Wants to know what you’re doing all the time and wants you to be in constant contact
- Demands passwords to things like your phone, email, and social media and shows other signs of digital a b u s e
- Acts very jealous, including constantly accusing you of cheating
- Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family
- Tries to stop you from going to work or school
- Gets angry in a way that is frightening to you
- Controls all your finances or how you spend your money
- Stops you from seeing a doctor
- Humiliates you in front of others
- Calls you insulting names (such as “stupid,” “disgusting,” “worthless,” “whore,” or “fat”)
- Threatens to hurt you, people you care about, or pets
- Threatens to call the authorities to report you for wrongdoing
- Threatens to harm himself or herself when upset with you
- Says things like, “If I can’t have you, then no one can”
- Decides things for you that you should decide (like what to wear or eat)
How does emotional and verbal a b u s e start?
Staying in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship can have long-lasting effects on your physical and mental health, including leading to chronic pain, depression, or anxiety. Read more about the effects on your health.
- Question your memory of events: “Did that really happen?” (See Gaslighting.)
- Change your behavior for fear of upsetting your partner or act more aggressive or more passive than you would be otherwise
- Feel ashamed or guilty
- Feel constantly afraid of upsetting your partner
- Feel powerless and hopeless
- Feel manipulated, used, and controlled
- Feel unwanted
Your partner’s behavior may leave you feeling as though you need to do anything possible to restore peace and end the a b u s e. This can feel stressful and overwhelming.
What is gaslighting?
“Gaslighting” is the word used when an a b u s e makes you feel like you are losing your mind or memory.
Deny an event happened
Call you crazy or overly sensitive
Describe an event as completely different from how you remember it
Gaslighting is a form of emotional maltreatment that A B U S E use to maintain power and control. When a victim is questioning her memories or her mind, she may be more likely to feel dependent on the A B U S E and stay in the relationship.
Gaslighting happens over time, and you may not notice it at first. Learn how to get help if you feel gaslighting is happening in your relationship.
How can I get help for emotional or verbal A B U S E ?
If you aren’t in immediate danger, reach out to a trusted friend or family member, therapist, or volunteer with an a b u s e shelter or domestic violence hotline . Learn more about how to get help if you are in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship.
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