Guidelines for when facing A B U S E.
Final recommendations for dealing with a b u s e.
A b u s e of any form eats you up from the inside out. It crushes your self-esteem and disconnects you from life. You don’t have to hide and healing is Possible, though. It starts with understanding the 8 types of a b u s e in a relationship. It isn’t just physical.
What is A B U S E in a relationship?
The question of what is considered a b u s e in a relationship can be difficult to pinpoint precisely. Most people think of physical a b u s e. But there are many more types of a b u s e that people can inflict on each other. Essentially, a b u s e is any action or behavior that causes harm or mental anguish.
As counselor Elizabeth McCormick explains in her article on what is a b u s e , there are also subtypes of a b u s e. For instance, neglect and s e x u a l a b u s e can sometimes come under physical a b u s e. Alternatively, you can also have guilt-tripping and name-calling under emotional a b u s e.
8 different types of a b u s e in a relationship.
Care worker mistreating elder man.
Regardless of a b u s e, it eventually leads to mental issues such as depression. Victims often become desensitized to frequent a b u s e, and they take on the shame and the guilt. Nevertheless, if your gut is telling you something is wrong, then it is.
First, you need to understand what is a b u s e in a relationship by reviewing the following descriptions of the types of a b u s e. As you’ll quickly see, it’s more than just about being in a physically abusive relationship.
1. Emotional a b u s e.
Abusive relationships don’t always start with physical violence. Instead, the types of a b u s e in a relationship can start with more subtle signs, specifically those geared towards emotions. These can be as simple as ignoring you or belittling your feelings.
More specifically, spousal a b u s e often involves a dominant male. Of course, women can be abusive. But some traditional males take the need to protect too far.
As Dr. Clare Murphy explains in her article on over-protection, stopping you from doing things or treating you like a possession is also listed under the types of a b u s e in a relationship.
Within the emotional forms of a b u s e in a relationship, you can also find manipulation, blaming, passive-aggressive, and shaming. On top of that, you have controlling behavior as well as criticizing or even isolating yourself from friends and family.
This list is not exhaustive because any verbal or behavioral action that makes you feel shame, guilt or fear is emotional a b u s e.
2. S e x u a l a b u s e.
People often think of s e x u a l a b u s e in relationships as the obvious one alongside physical a b u s e. Although, the CDC now refers to Intimate Partner Violence to cover all the subtypes of s e x u a l a b u s e.
The CDC shows that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men have been a victim at least once in their lives. This includes being stalked by a partner. Although, of course, s e x u a l a b u s e also includes unwanted touch or pressure to perform certain s e x u a l acts.
3. Physical a b u s e.
Physical a b u s e in a relationship can include hitting or shoving, as well as throwing things. Of the forms of a b u s e in a relationship, this is the most likely to lead to depression, anxiety and even PTSD. You can also usually connect it to substance a b u s e, both for the victim and the a b u s e.
As this Rehabspot article explains, victims and a b u s e r s are 11 times more likely to be involved in violence on substance a b u s e days. It makes sense if you consider that people turn to substances to numb both the physical and emotional pain.
Other less well-known physical a b u s e examples include force-feeding, choking, restraining and dangerous driving. Basically, anything that can harm you physically or puts your life in danger is part of the physical types of a b u s e in a relationship.
4. Intellectual a b u s e.
We all have needs and boundaries to help us function as healthy and grounded human beings. Intellectual boundaries are often overlooked, especially in a relationship, Where the lines can get blurred. Nevertheless, everyone has the right to their own thoughts or ideas.
A typical example could be if a spouse stops you from going to church or your spiritual meetings. Perhaps they make you feel stupid for having these beliefs?
No matter what your beliefs are, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, you are free to hold them. Otherwise, you simply crush your self-esteem.
Different types of a b u s e under the intellectual theme could also fall into the digital world. For instance, your spouse could belittle you by attacking your opinions publicly.
This type of spousal a b u s e is very close to emotional a b u s e. Regardless, it’s important to remember you are entitled to your beliefs about how to live your life. And that boundaries are part of that.
5. Material and financial a b u s e.
According to the US National Network to End Domestic Violence, 99% of abusive relationships involve financial a b u s e. Again, in terms of types of a b u s e in a relationship, this one can creep in gradually.
It all starts innocently with the a b u s e proposing to help sort out the finances so you don’t have to worry. This quickly escalates, and you find yourself cut off from the so-called joint accounts with no access to funds. In essence, the a b u s e has full control.
Similarly, with material a b u s e, you are just as violated if your spouse destroys or steals your possessions. A car is an obvious example because once destroyed, you are isolated. In terms of types of a b u s e in a relationship, this plays a big part in crushing your autonomy.
6. Mental a b u s e.
The types of a b u s e in a relationship are varied. This almost doesn’t matter. On the contrary, the key question is, “What is a b u s e in a relationship?”. To answer it, simply observe any act or behavior that can harm your physical or mental health.
Whilst clearly the mind and our emotions are linked, there is a difference. Mental a b u s e is more focused on influencing your thought processes rather than simply your emotions. So, where emotional a b u s e undermines your self-esteem, mental a b u s e impacts your sense of reality, as in gaslighting.
S e x u a l a b u s e in relationships can also overlap with both mental and emotional types of a b u s e in a relationship. For instance, forcing someone to perform intercourse acts that degrade them is also a form of mental a b u s e.
Similarly, lovemaking can be used as a way to control other people’s feelings such as making people feel ugly or unwanted. Once more, the a b u s e r has hurt the victim.
7. Cultural a b u s e.
Husband threading his wife.
Sadly, someone’s culture can also be used against them to inflict harm. Whilst this overlaps with the other types of a b u s e in a relationship and is often less talked about, it’s equally damaging. It can also come up in the digital world. Where people often attack each other publicly.
Signs of cultural a b u s e are similar to the other types of a b u s e in a relationship. When someone’s fundamental core is attacked, it can also lead to depression and anxiety. People can quickly become withdrawn especially if the a b u s e is also getting physical and they want to hide the wounds.
Typical examples would be to isolate people from their community, deny their traditions or criticize their practice. The ultimate aim is to harm the victim.
8. Discriminatory a b u s e.
If your partner is treating you badly because of a disability or your gender, you could be experiencing discriminatory a b u s e. In this case, physical a b u s e examples could be stopping you from accessing, for example, your wheelchair.
Other different types of a b u s e within this category could be mocking your gender on social media. They might even bring your age into it. This is further exacerbated if they’re exploiting you at the same time by, for instance, using your social aid for their benefit alone.
Guidelines for when facing a b u s e, Young woman having canceling session
Regardless of the types of a b u s e in a relationship that you’re facing, you’re not alone and help is available. Leaving isn’t always an easy or safe option without first having a plan. So, educate yourself as much as possible as a first step.
You can also reach out to online support groups or therapists that specifically deal with physical a b u s e in a relationship. They will help you see the abusive relationship patterns, and they’ll validate your story. There’s nothing worse than doubting yourself during these tough moments.
In terms of dealing with your a b u s e, never engage and keep statements to a minimum. The idea is to avoid adding fuel to their emotions. That means not answering back and not trying to reason with them. Simply state that you can talk later and then walk away.
If you’re in a physically abusive relationship, try to get to a safe place as soon as you can. Try to reach out to friends and family if you can or get yourself to a local support group. Even if you don’t have access to your finances, those support groups can help you free yourself.
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