There is an old joke about a man who walks home on the weekend and sees another man, who is clearly very drunk, on his hands and knees looking for something. "What are you looking for?" asks the drunken man. "Keys to my house," the man replies. "Where did you leave them?" he asks. “Two streets over,” he growled. "Then why don't you look over there?" he asked, confused. Because the light is much better here.
Now, during my initial training and learning, I was unsure of myself in many ways! Yes, me too, some might say I've gone in a pretty extreme different direction now! I tried a lot of things I learned through self-hypnosis and various aspects of standard NLP approaches to overcome this insecurity and lack of confidence in my ability to do what I wanted, but none of them seemed to work for me.
I still had butterflies in my stomach and lacked a real sense of confidence, in fact, I felt nervous about what I wanted to do (what if it all goes wrong, and I fail!!). I spent some time fighting the anxious feeling, then one day I said to myself, Adam, just experience it, stop resisting it, stop fighting it; just feel it, and an amazing thing happened.
I felt that nervous feeling, then it, disappeared! I was shocked. All the previous months and years of fighting it, and all I really needed to do was feel it. I acknowledged it and stopped fighting back.
This way, you will increase your own awareness of your own world map.
One of the premises of NLP is to "meet people on their map of the world". This is the process of seeing things from their point of view or being aware of their experiences, and is a much worse discussion for another time. Now, I have been successful with other people, and my successful counseling therapy over the years is clear evidence of this for me, but before it all started, all those years ago, I suddenly realized that I had not met myself.
On my world map. Whenever I felt feelings I didn't like, I fought and resisted and fought them, and you know what they say: When you fight yourself, someone always loses, and that someone is you. So I decided to stop fighting and resisting my feelings and instead acknowledge them and start working with them.
Where am I going with all this, then? If you feel that it is uncomfortable or unhelpful, or you just don't like it, first map that feeling. This is just a process of identifying where in your body the feeling is, actually locating the feeling in your body. Now think about how big it is, and how it moves; I used to have tremors in my stomach that when I resisted spread more into my chest and down again.
Really be aware of the sensation physiologically, even think about what temperature it is, you can take it a step further and think about what color it would be if it had one, etc.
While most people claim to know what they're feeling, you'd be surprised how many people aren't even remotely familiar with the physical characteristics of the emotions they're experiencing, but let them passively play out without really realizing it. Then. Emotions are physical (they're also chemicals and various other things), so the first step is to map that physicality.
Next, embrace the feeling. Accept that you feel it. For more information on how to accept things in your life, again dig out the article from the previous edition of "Adam Up" that was all about this, it's there in the archives on my website.
Of course, this can be a bit of a struggle for some people who will undoubtedly say, "But I don't want to feel it" or "I shouldn't feel it." I know some of you are thinking that.
So here's the thing: you feel it, and if you want to change your feelings quickly, the best way to do it is to meet your world map and accept the present feeling you have. If you refuse to do that, then you are just resisting it or fighting it, as I did back then. Then any attempt at change will involve starting where you're not, and that rarely ends well (as our drunk man looking for his keys on the wrong street can attest.)
Then you will find a positive intention. What is your body or your unconscious trying to tell you? Sometimes feelings have a message for us. Other times, they are just feelings that our body is meant to feel. What (if anything) does this feeling do to you, or is it trying to tell you?
Then; feel it, Just feel it. Definitely don't struggle and don't fight, just feel it. Don't forget to breathe too ;-)
You don't have to do it for long, but it's really good to feel something. Even if you feel bad, the fact that you can feel it means you're alive (woo-hoo!) and it also means you're in touch with how you feel. Both are good to be able to recognize and realize within yourself. Simply accepting and becoming aware of the feeling often gives the feeling a completely different perspective.
The last part of this process is then to play with the feeling.
Increase the intensity of the feeling. Reduce it. If it was one color, make it different, if it moved in a certain direction, move it another way, if it was a certain size, make it bigger or smaller, basically play around with it and see how much influence you have on that feeling. I think you'll be surprised when you realize how much influence you actually have.
One of the things you begin to discover as you begin to experience is how much it is possible for you to control your feelings. You may discover for yourself that the feelings are not true or false. They don't really mean anything. They are just sensations that you experience in your body.
If you resist them, they will be there for a while, but if you accept them, you can start playing with them and changing them. Does this mean you will never feel bad again? No. Feelings will come and feelings will go, but that means you can start having more and more of the kinds of feelings you want to have. I know that no matter what you want to do in life, you will want to punctuate your life with more and more good feelings, am I right?
So enjoy your day and make sure you spread good feelings in your life.
You must be logged in to post a comment.