Despite the fact that everything appeared to be in order in Jamie's life, there was something extremely wrong.
She'd gotten her "dream job" as a media advisor for a professional association after graduating from college. She had an excellent job, wonderful coworkers, a big circle of friends, and a loving family.
"I was still miserable," she recalls.
Jamie had problems sleeping at night. Her appetite and vitality vanished. Daily activities she used to enjoy, such as her morning exercise, seemed unattainable.
DESPERATE SAD DEPRESSED
After nearly a month of this, one of Jamie's pals interfered, stating, "I'm concerned about you." You don't appear to be yourself." Jamie's friend encouraged her to attend a counselor after she confided in her friend about how sluggish and unmotivated she was feeling, as well as her thoughts of suicide. Jamie followed her counselor's recommendations, and her counselor listened intently, diagnosed depression, and devised a treatment plan for her. Jamie's treatment was effective, as it is for many people who suffer from depression. She hasn't had another bout of depression in the last four years.
Depression, on the other hand, can be crippling and all-consuming. And, lest you assume that depression exclusively affects the weak or nonspiritual, remember that even the Bible's spiritual heroes suffered from depression. "I am bound and cannot flee; my eyes are cloudy with anguish," King David mourned. Why do you turn your back on me and conceal your face from me, Lord?" 88:8–14 (Psalm 88:8–14)
If depression is not addressed, it might lead to death. Intervening thoughtful, caring friends, on the other hand, can save a life. "You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know when it will be too late, Ralph Waldo Emerson accurately observed.
Here are some things you can do to aid someone you care about who is depressed:
Make an effort to educate oneself.
Don't make assumptions about depression and mental illness. Do some research on the internet. Visit a library or bookstore to find things that will educate and advise you in being a better ally for a depressed buddy. You will gain a better grasp of the symptoms, treatment options, and other complexity of depression by reading books and magazine articles about it. The knowledge you gain will enable you to provide appropriate support. It will also lessen your sense of helplessness.
Keep an observer's mindset.
When miserable friends vents, many people react emotionally. You might be tempted to retort, Of course, people care about you! When they remark, No one cares! It may seem contradictory, but being a dispassionate, objective observer is the best approach to help a depressed buddy. To put it another way, don't get into a fight, don't raise your voice, don't use sarcasm, don't criticize, and don't contradict your depressed friend. All of these behaviors indicate that you may be reacting to your own emotions.
"The objective of utilizing the observer's mind is to avoid personalizing what your loved one is saying so that you are not drawn into an argument that neither of you wants," writers Mitch Golan, PhD, and Susan K. Golan explain in their book What To Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed. Your goal when you're in observer mode is to recognize what your loved one is feeling without reacting personally."
Your replies are emotionally detached but supportive when you remain an observer. When a sad person says, "No one cares," someone with an observer's mind can respond, "I know it feels like that right now, but I care, and we'll get through this together."
Suggest a spiritual link.
Religious faith is increasingly being recognized as having therapeutic significance by specialists. When we are lonely or unhappy, connecting with a spiritual group can bring new feelings of hope, acceptance, and love into our lives. Encouraging a sad buddy to seek spiritual help can be highly beneficial.
Authors Jesse H. Wright, MD, PhD, and Monica Ramirez Basso, PhD, write in their book Getting Your Life Back: The Complete Guide to Recovery from Depression that belonging to a faith community helps reassure you in times of struggle.
"If you make an effort to get to know those with whom you attend services, you can develop into a form of family, providing and receiving support from the broader community," they explain.
You might want to encourage a depressed buddy to go back to a church or spiritual practice from their past, according to Wright and Basso: "The constancy of your worship group's routines and customs might be reassuring in a society where things change all the time." As an adult, the traditions you may have despised as a child can provide you with a sense of belonging. You may feel encouraged that God and your community of fellow believers are still at your side when the choir sings a classic song."
LEAF MINT HERB
Maintain your friend's interest in life.
Depression shortens one's lifespan. Depressed people withdraw more and more from their family and friends, as well as from things they once enjoyed. Make suggestions for how your friend might improve his or her physical, mental, emotional, and social strength. Recommend a workout regimen and volunteer to join them. Inviting them to accompany you on walks, concerts, or cultural activities is a great way to start. Encourage them to participate in activities that used to bring them joy, whether it's a hobby, a creative project, or travel.
It's not a good idea to go it alone.
If your encouraging words and actions aren't enough to lift your friend's spirits, it's critical that you assist them in seeking professional aid.
Consider the following experience of a depressed couple: Mark, a collegiate swim coach, was informed that his program will be canceled and that he would lose his job. Mark got profoundly sad as he focused on the unfortunate turn of events, despite receiving many months' income after the school year finished. Fran was concerned when she noticed her husband's mood deteriorating. "Mark, I'm extremely worried about you," she said when he stopped shaving, stayed in his pajamas, and spent most of his days in bed watching television. This is the first time I've ever seen you like this. You appear to be depressed. I believe we should contact our doctor and have her examine you to see what's wrong."
Mark first objected, but Fran persisted, and Mark agreed. She scheduled an appointment and accompanied her husband, who had been diagnosed with depression. The doctor devised a therapy strategy that proved to be beneficial in a short period of time.
Mark's experience with professional therapy isn't rare. Doctors believe that up to 90% of persons suffering from depression will respond to treatment.
Finally, in order to recover successfully, the depressed individual must take control of his or her depression. As a friend, it's critical that you understand there's a limit to how much you can help. Your depressed friend must take charge of learning more about depression and taking action to combat it. Your friendship, on the other hand, is crucial to rehabilitation because you can offer the support, hope, and perspective that a person needs to deal effectively with depression.
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