4 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Don't Do

. Don't do it If you stop doing these things, your innate emotional intelligence will show.

Most people see emotional intelligence as a skill that can be developed and developed with practice.

While this is somewhat true, many of us are missing a deeper truth about emotional intelligence:

When it comes to improving your emotional intelligence, most of the time what you don't do is not more about what you do than what you do.

As a psychologist, I work with many people who don't seem to have a lot of emotional intelligence:

They blame others for their difficulties.

They get caught in a cycle of worry and worry.

As soon as they start making progress, they sabotage themselves.

However, in my experience, most people are not incapable of being emotionally intelligent. In reality, I believe the majority of people already have high levels of emotional intelligence.

Unfortunately, a host of negative habits prevent many people from making full use of their underlying emotional intelligence.

Learn to recognize these patterns in your own life and try to eliminate them if you want to increase your emotional intelligence. I believe you will discover that your natural emotional intelligence is just around the corner.

1. Criticizing Others

Criticizing others is often an unconscious protection strategy designed to help us overcome our own fears.

We all criticize sometimes. Nor is it always a scary thing: Being able to think critically about the world around us is a valuable skill. It helps us navigate the world and our relationships objectively.

However, excessive criticism—especially the practice of criticizing others—can lead to opposite poles of objectivity: it can make us shortsighted and blind, especially towards ourselves.

One of the reasons why it's so simple to get into the habit of constantly criticizing people is because it feels good:

When you tell yourself that someone else is stupid, you are telling yourself that you are smart. And that makes me happy.

When you blame someone else for being naive, you're actually telling yourself that you're smart. And that makes me happy.

When you secretly smile at yourself about how bad someone's perception of clothing is, you're telling yourself how refined your taste is. And that makes me happy.

Making the world a better place is the goal of constructive criticism. It's all about making yourself feel better with useless criticism.

Being critical will make you feel better in the short run, but almost always will make you feel worse in the long run.

On the other hand, people who are emotionally educated and self-aware realize that criticizing others is truly a primitive protection strategy. And that there are far more effective and useful ways to deal with our fears and uncertainties.

People who constantly criticize others unwittingly try to allay their own fears.

Understand that criticizing others is a waste of time and energy because it takes time and energy to improve yourself and those around you.

"Criticizing others is a form of self-praise. Telling our neighbors that all of his pictures are crooked, we believe we've succeeded in hanging the picture upright on our wall."

Sheen, FultonJ.

2. Worrying about the future

Worrying about the future is the same as denying that life is fundamentally uncertain.

As humans, we need order and predictability. And rightly so: our ancestors, who were better at making their lives a little less unpredictable, probably lived longer than those who didn't. We are physiologically bound to seek ways to reduce uncertainty.

However, there is a big difference between taking sensible steps to reduce uncertainty and fearing it enough to believe we can eliminate it altogether.

Chronically anxious do exactly that. They are so afraid of uncertainty and can't live with it that they convince themselves that they can make the future less uncertain by constantly thinking about it!

Chronic worries believe that thinking always leads to problem solving and preparation always leads to increased preparation. However, neither of these statements is true:

Simply thinking about a problem does not mean that you are thinking about it productively.

And just because you're planning through various hypothetical future scenarios doesn't mean you're better prepared to deal with them. Most of the time, you're just trying to make yourself feel better.

Worry gives you a false sense of security. But in the end, it just makes you more vulnerable.

Emotionally sophisticated people realize that life is inherently uncertain. And they realize that it is preferable to face this reality rather than live in denial.

Because once you stop beating yourself up with all the tension and anxiety that comes with constant worry, you'll be amazed at how much energy and enthusiasm comes back into your life.

When you stop waiting for the world to behave the way you want it to tomorrow, it becomes much easier to work with the world you have today.

"Worry doesn't drain sadness tomorrow, it drains your strength today."

Corrie Ten Boom is a character in the movie Corrie Ten Boom.

3. Memories of the Past

A misguided attempt at control is to reflect on past failures.

We humans, like other animals, need order and certainty as much as control. We're locked into the idea that we can do anything if we put in enough effort and perseverance.

Of course, most people who are trapped by meditating on previous mistakes and failures do not believe they can change the past. Instead, reflecting on the past gives them a sense of control, no matter how brief and temporary the illusion may be.

You naturally feel guilty