Many people's lifelong dreams went unfulfilled because they were too concerned with trying to live up to someone else's expectations.
I would give up all my boats, my houses, everything that I have just to have spent more time with my kids when they were young'
In a world where you can discover the intimate details of a person's life, an up-close video of a cyst being popped or a deeply personal mental health confessional all within a few swipes of one another on TikTok, there's still one subject we're reluctant to talk openly about.
Death is the last taboo. We've become so great at discussing things that used to be taboo, but we've lost the ability to talk about death with one another.
There is one main regret, hears expressed consistently from people at the end of their lives.
"Without a doubt, the regret I've heard time and time again is that people wish they'd spent less time working, and more time with the people they love," she says.
- "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
- "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."
- "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."
- "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."
- "I wish that I had let myself be happier."
"The other thing people might find surprising is that money doesn't seem to have any effect on the way you look back at your life at the end.
"I once looked after an incredibly wealthy man at the end of his life and he had been one of those really busy guys – working 18 hours a day, achieving great success.
"I remember him saying to me, 'you know what, I would give up all my boats, my houses, everything that I have just to have spent more time with my kids when they were young'. I heard that time and time again from people.
"No matter which walk of life they were from, it was the quality of their relationships that mattered above all else."
Thinking about death, our own and that of our loved ones is uncomfortable.
We should be talking more openly about death and dying, "In fact, we used to. In pre-Victorian times, it was something that children and families were all witness to, because our morbidity rates were different and people died younger, and generally at home, not in hospitals."
We cannot only make sure we have access to the right kind of end-of-life care, but also so we can learn from the people who leave this world before us.
"When I think of those common death bed regrets that pop up repeatedly," "it's a great reminder for us all to live more in the moment, with the people who matter most."
Top nine Regrets i heard from people just before they died.
1. They wish they had been more loving to the people who matter the most.
Many people expressed sorrow for not having been more understanding, caring, and present for the people who were important to them. They wished they had the courage to say "I love you" more often.
Take a few moments to write a letter or make a phone call to someone you love and let them know how much you care. It will mean the world to them, and it'll make you feel pretty great too.
2. They wish they had been a better spouse, parent, or child.
The people I worked with often regretted taking their families for granted. After all, once they got terminally ill, it was their families who stuck by them to hold their hand, provide love and companionship, and care for them around the clock.
Even if your family is not perfect, they're probably the ones who are there for you when you need them. Remember to express gratitude for them daily.
3. They wish they had not spent so much time working.
Many had worked long, hard hours, and they regretted missing the important moments in their kids' lives. I remember one such person—a salesman whose boss expected him to travel three weeks each month when he had a young daughter at home. Although he was an excellent provider for her, he never got to know her well. As she became older, he tried to form a relationship with her, but it was too late to make up for lost time. He never fully forgave himself for choosing time at work over time with her.
Remember that you have choices when it comes to your job. Choose a company that values a healthy work-life balance. It's OK to respectfully decline additional assignments that would require you to work beyond your assigned hours. Your job is important, but there are other things in life that are just as important.
4. They wish they had taken more risks.
Many felt that a fear of failure caused them to play it too safe. They knew that they could have had richer, more fulfilling lives had they taken some risks and disturbed the status quo.
Consider making a list of everything you have ever wanted to experience in life. Then start crossing them off one by one and watch your happiness (and your comfort zone) expand dramatically.
5. They wish they had been happier and enjoyed life more.
Most people regretted the time they wasted worrying about things beyond their control. They didn't realize they were capable of choosing fun and happiness until it was too late.
Spend a few minutes every day doing something that you love and that brings you joy.
6. They wish they had lived their dream.
Many people's lifelong dreams went unfulfilled because they were too concerned with trying to live up to someone else's expectations.
You are the only one who knows what's best for you. Allow yourself to be open to endless possibilities. When envisioning your dream, remember the mantra, "this or something even better."
7. They wish they had taken better care of themselves.
Most patients thought that if they'd eaten better, slept more, and paid more attention to their health and well-being, they might not have gotten sick. They wished they had made self-care more of a priority.
Make time to go on a nature walk, take a nap, or meditate each and every day.
8. They wish they had done more for others.
I heard countless wishes from people who dreamed of making a difference through kindness, compassion, and acts of service. Many patients made the decision—oftentimes right from their hospice beds—to donate their money to charities and service organizations so they could positively affect the lives of others after they were gone.
Pick a cause that is special to you and consider donating a bit of your time or money to help someone in need.
9. They wish they had chosen more meaningful work.
Many expressed that they had never enjoyed their job but had stuck with it year after year to pay the bills. They wished instead that they had chosen work that was in line with their purpose and passions—work that they were excited about and gave them a sense of fulfillment.
Take some time to get crystal clear on what you are passionate about. You can then begin looking for work that speaks to these passions.
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