top 5 tips for caring elderly

Joanna's mother, Betty, had rheumatoid arthritis for years. Suddenly and unexpectedly, Betty was incapacitated by the pain, fatigue and limited mobility she had feared since her diagnosis. Joanne convinced her fiercely independent mother that living alone was no longer an option. And Joanne, the oldest of four children, knew that caring for her ailing mother rested on her shoulders. Joanne was a legend among her family, friends and colleagues for her ability to act with grace under pressure. Joanne took two weeks off work to cook and freeze meals for her husband and three children. As she flew to her hometown, she wondered how she would coordinate her mother's care from a distance. Already supporting her husband in building his new business, taking care of her children and managing a large project at work, she felt like she was running on empty. You can relate to Joanne's story. One in four Americans cares for a friend or relative who is sick, disabled, or frail. That's 46 million Americans offering unpaid help to a loved one. If they were paid carers it would exceed last year's Medicare budget! And if you become a carer, you can, like Joanne, try to do it yourself, shrouded in secrecy. Self-care compromises your ability to care for yourself and others. Let's worry behind closed doors. For your own sake and the sake of those who count on you, ask for help. Caregivers are competent people who feel they should be able to do the job. Yet many soon find themselves unprepared and ill-equipped to handle the sometimes daunting tasks of managing a complex medical regimen. If you are a caregiver, you know that this act of love comes at a price. You could forfeit up to $650,000 in lost wages, pension and Social Security. Add to that the personal cost to your well-being as your new demands leave you with less time for family and friends. You may give up vacations, hobbies, and social activities. Finally, caregiving takes a toll on your health. Caregivers are at increased risk of depression, anxiety, reduced immune function, and even hospitalization. Instead of reaching out, caregivers isolate themselves. Many who take on the burden of care fit the profile of a giving family member like Joanne who does not want to burden others with her problems. Some fear the consequences of disclosing their new requirements to co-workers or employers. Caregivers are further challenged by a cultural conspiracy of silence. Our youth-oriented society turns a blind eye to the unpleasant and inevitable reality that we all age and die. This leaves both caregivers and care recipients unprepared. Look no further than the path of Hurricane Katrina to witness the consequences of a lack of planning. 1. Start with yourself. What happens to you and your family if you become disabled or die unexpectedly? Do you have disability insurance? Do you have a will? Do you have a living will and have you identified a person to make medical decisions that you would make if you were unable to do so? 2. Approach healthy family members. Say, "I hope you live many happy year enjoying all the joys you've worked so hard to create." Have you thought about what would happen to you if you could no longer live independently? If a medical event affects you, who would decide about your medical condition? 3. Look into community resources that support caregiving. For example, a day program helps your loved one by providing social connections with peers. Your community may even offer transportation to and from the program. Getting out of the house offers another benefit in the form of moving bodies. Socialization and exercise are two of the most effective interventions to help your loved one stay at their best. 4. Make specific suggestions to friends, family members and neighbors who want to help. You may even want to keep a "help list." When they say, "Let me know what I can do," you get the answer, "Could you take mom to her physical therapy appointment this week?" "While you're at the store, could you pick up some oranges and blueberries?" "Could you babysit for an hour " Your donating friends will appreciate specific ideas on how they can help. 5. Take care of your health. Get good nutrition, enough sleep, and regular exercise to stay healthy. Wash your hands regularly to prevent colds and flu. Manage your stress by laughing, praying, or even taking a deep breath. Nourish your soul with activities that recharge your batteries, such as journaling or gardening. Finally, consult your doctor if you feel depressed or anxious. The best strategies for effective care include preparation, self-care, and seeking help. That starts with having the courage to start talking openly about care.