Top 5 Stages Of Special Parenting

I sometimes compared becoming a special parent to Columbus ’travels. That is, at first we are supposed to be on our way to India, but we end up in America, and we don't even realize it. The parable was intentionally amusing, but the idea behind it is genuine and correct: becoming a special parent is a journey. Actually, it’s an adventure with five stages: reacting, accepting, understanding, adapting, and a new boom.

1. React

When a child starts behaving in an unusual or unexpected way, it always comes as a surprise. This is a really confusing step for a parent who has, of course, hitherto assumed their child to be just “ordinary”. At this point, everyone is probably acting in the most natural way for their own personality, such as panicking, withdrawing, getting nervous, frustrated, or scared.

I personally react to such situations by withdrawing. When I face something that is hard to accept, my first reaction is to step aside. This withdrawal phase was long this time because it took a long time before I could realize that not everything is quite normal and that we need help. In this situation, someone else might have left to look for answers from the beginning.

2. Approval

Sooner or later, the specificity of your child must be accepted. This never happens in an instant; it is a long process. For some, it takes more time than for others. Some relatives or loved ones may distance themselves from family life, perhaps precisely because they do not have the opportunity to accept it at all. The different pace of the adoption process can also strain the relationship, as the ability of parents to support each other at such a difficult time is then significantly impaired.

I remember at this point we had a constant conversation at home as well as with our local network. We wondered openly what this might be all about and explained to ourselves that seeking help is the right solution and will not make us bad but responsible parents. Gradually, it began to take for granted.

3. Understanding

Special parenting is about continuous learning and the development of one’s own understanding. You have to constantly learn something new, both about your child and yourself. Indeed, many special parents develop into experts in parenting and children’s anomalies who have enough understanding of difference. At the same time, many have to explore their own innermost being much deeper than they would otherwise even be able to.

As a parent, I have had to face my own strengths as a person and have had to make the most of them. At the same time, I have also had to face that worse self, even my dark side, that comes up in the most difficult moments. As a result, I am a much stronger person and know myself and my own qualities much better. There has been a lot of good going on with understanding anyway. The feeling of guilt has diminished because I better understand that my child’s difficulties are not due to poor upbringing or my own mistakes. I have also learned to be more merciful to myself because I know I cannot influence everything.

Learning to understand is certainly a step that never ends. I will never fully understand everything in my child, and probably not even in myself. However, that journey is progressing all the time and it is rewarding.

4. Adaptation

Pretty much has changed, but yes, life has also become easier. It was a moving experience to find that life can also be good and enjoyable in spite of everything.

5. A new boom

I also want to see things go beyond adaptation. After all, adaptation at worst can only mean submission to one's destiny. Satisfaction with the bad even when you could look for a better one. But if the adjustment to special parenting is far enough away, it is possible to reach further. Sometimes it can also open up the possibility that you can set a new goal state for your life and start living the kind of life you want to live. Life with a special child is forcibly constrained, but how many limit their lives more than necessary because they don’t think there are other possibilities?

Personally, at least I was surprised when we first traveled abroad on a holiday trip. In addition to the fact that the trip went well, it was even the best time among our family for a long time. And I doubted in advance if the whole trip would be anything. After that experience, I began to think more closely about the possibilities and my own resources. I found that I had failed to do many things that I could do again now or that I could draw extra energy into everyday life. Those things are worth grabbing!

Once you have accepted the situation and gained a sufficient understanding of the issues, you can move on to the adjustment phase. Adaptation is the transformation of one's own operating models and the child's operating environment in a direction that makes everyday life smoother. At its best or worst, everything may go new from home decor to school and leisure. “Whatever works” is a good guideline. Some children do some stuff and others have others. The factors that burden one's own and a child's life have to be regulated according to different periods, and the best doctrine always comes through the heel.

Our own adjustment process has included at least finding the right medication and therapy, structuring everyday life, reflecting on educational principles, changing schools, utilizing multidisciplinary networks, and a variety of individual ways and models to facilitate everyday activities.