Top 11 Tips - A Fresh Special Parent Should Hear

Some time ago, I asked followers of my blog’s Facebook page what they would like to tell those parents who have recently had to face the challenges of their child’s special situation and special parenting. This is a typical question for reporters for me, and I wanted to hear what other special parents would answer to the question.

I received a lot of great answers in a short time, and I promised to compile this summary of them, which I hope as many fresh special parents as possible, and why not for a long time to read the journey of special parenting. This became such a comforting read!

So here are 11 Tips a fresh special parent should hear:

1. All emotions are allowed

If you’re in a situation where you’ve recently had to face the specialness of your child, you’re probably upset. Sometimes the peculiarity is noticed as soon as the child is born, in which case the shock strikes the eye immediately, but often, especially in the case of the neuro specific, one is allowed to live in uncertainty for a long time before the reasons for the child’s difference are revealed. During the reaction or search phase, it is quite typical to experience strong feelings in one direction or another: joy, sadness, shame, love - you name it! There are no false feelings. Feelings of anger, sadness, and disappointment are perfectly permissible and relevant.

2. Be merciful to yourself

Special parents need mercy. As a special parent, you are now in a particularly stressful and challenging situation. You yourself know you’re doing your best, and it will eventually be enough, no matter how you feel inadequate. Life can sometimes seem unreasonable, so don’t be unreasonable. You can’t become a superhero or transcend yourself every day, so you’re the best parent for your child by being just you. (Unless you can be a unicorn. Then be a unicorn!)

3. Don’t give up hope

At worst, special parenting can be so exhausting and heavy that you just want to give up. In moments like this, it’s important to remember that things get even better. Effort, perseverance, and disappointment are certainly yet to come, but there is no need to give up hope. Eventually, all things begin to get organized, your mind calms down, and life balances. Then give yourself praise for everything. Also for your child, things are most likely to turn out well, even if there are difficulties now.

4. It is not your fault or that of the child

A child with a disability or neurobiological developmental disorder, for example, has been born as it is and will be just as it is. You can do your best to make it easier and better for you and your child to have a better quality of life, but it’s completely pointless to imagine that the difficulties would be for either reason or that it would be up to you to improve things. The child is never defective, and neither are you.

5. You are not alone

“Why did this happen to me? Am I the only one struggling with these things? ” Well you are not the only one and you really are not alone. Finland and the world are full of your peers and probably one of your neighbors can already identify with your situation. It is worth talking about your own situation openly and at least looking for peer support. Peer support makes research easier and helps to find workable solutions for your everyday life. Our “weird” family club has unlimited space for new kids and parents!

6. You need to take care of yourself too

This is what most parents learn from the heel, but the truth is: only by taking care of themselves can they take care of their family. You should seek help, even if it may seem difficult to ask for help. But if you purposefully build a functioning network of professionals, loved ones and even neighbors, the risk of exhaustion is significantly reduced. Besides, the loved ones or even outsiders you turn to don’t think you’ve failed. People are often happy if they can be of help to you. Focusing on yourself regularly is not only allowed but also mandatory.

7. Learn to demand the right services

Our service system includes a wide range of statutory or government-defined services that even families with special children are entitled to. At times, however, it feels like you don’t want to get anything without a fight. Must be able to say one's own service needs, look for the right parties, make complaints. It’s also important to remember that while professionals should be listened to, they may not always be right about what your family would need. Rely on the things you feel like, but receive the help offered as early as possible.

8. Give things time

Even if it sometimes feels like the walls are falling over or panic is creeping up like a harasser in a dark alley, the best thing to do then is to stop and stop for a moment to look at the situation. When faced with crises, it is worth going through the situations with your own weight and giving space to your own thoughts and feelings. From there, they begin to become self-evident. It is not necessary to make big changes or difficult solutions overnight but to think slowly. Act when you and your child are ready.

9. Live a life that looks like your own

For children, everything that is commonplace at home feels like a normal life. So there is no reason for parents to think that life should be different just because one way of life is generally considered more normal than another. Whatever works is a good guideline for building everyday life, and when everyday life starts working, you can pursue your own dreams, but it’s not worth pursuing someone else’s dream of family life. Build a life that feels meaningful to you.

10. You will still learn a great deal

Special parents have to learn much more about the upbringing and care of their children and the service system than other parents. And special parents, in particular, have a need to learn about themselves. All of this part is greatly appreciated in retrospect. Learning to understand is a lifelong journey and the knowledge and skills learned with special children will help you to cope better in other areas of life.

11: Your child hasn't lost anything at all

Has your child been diagnosed recently? Remember that your child is still exactly the same child, as lovable and as important as ever. Diagnoses are only a means of showing the causes of certain characteristics and traits, but they do not have to mean otherwise and in no way define the future of a child. There is no longer this day to focus on constraints and problems. Despite the diagnoses - or sometimes because of them! - each of us has our own strengths on which to build a good life. Focus on them!