Introduction.
One of the most undervalued leadership and business abilities is listening. We all know that listening is an important part of our jobs, but not everyone takes the time to improve their listening skills.
Even when we try to improve our listening skills, we live in a world where we are constantly distracted. Several variables make deep listening difficult, ranging from ever-growing to-do lists to a burning urge to stay current with social media and technological advancements.
When I was younger, the only listening instruction I received was maintaining good eye contact while talking and leaning in.
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1. Observe with the goal of understanding.
Listening with the purpose of understanding is an important part of active listening. When you listen with the desire to comprehend, you listen with an open mind rather than with a preconceived conclusion. When you communicate intending to comprehend, you ask correctly timed questions to make sure you're getting the message the speaker intended. Listening with the desire to comprehend is entering a conversation with a real interest in understanding what the speaker is saying and being aware of all clues from the dialogue, including verbal, nonverbal, and expressed openly vs. what is kept unsaid.
2. Interruptions should be used sparingly.
Interruptions should be used sparingly when practicing active listening. Allow the speaker to finish a sentence before interjecting with questions or your opinion of what they said. Many times, other people's words may pique our interest, and we will interrupt them. Interruptions, on the other hand, can convey, “Hey, I know more than you,” or, even worse, “You're taking too long to get to the point, and I don't have time to listen to what you have to say,” if we're not cautious. People may find it difficult to build a trustworthy connection with you if they believe they aren't or haven't been heard.
3. Consider what you've just heard.
Consider what you've just heard. When you're processing what you're hearing, ask yourself if your personal viewpoint distorts what the other person is saying. It's about being honest enough to see when you're giving context to what another person is saying. For example, I had a crucial dinner meeting with two business partners a few weeks ago. I put a lot of effort into grooming my hair and looking professional and appealing. “Oh, your hair has a 1960s look,” my associate observed as I came into the meal.
“Your hair is ugly,” I was told right away. This was not the look I had in mind. During the meal, I considered what the person was saying and contrasted it to what I heard, which was influenced by my own concerns about the hairdo in question. In the end, I attributed the discrepancy in communication to my oversensitivity. I might have remained trapped in my thoughts or handled my colleague differently based on what I first heard as an insult if I hadn't processed the talk.
4. Return to the beginning.
Just because two individuals are talking doesn't imply they hear the same thing. In discussions, we each bring our own weltanschauung, which is German for "world perspective," which influences what and how we hear.
If you're a manager, you've probably been in a scenario where you've assigned a project to an employee with the expectation that it would be completed on time. When it's all said and done, you're perplexed to discover that your employee accomplished a great job on something you never asked for or wanted.
Repeat backs are a great way to improve understanding, show your interest in the person speaking, and make sure you got what the other person meant.
With one or small group conversations, repeat backs work great. You may not be able to repeat back what you've heard if you're at a lecture or a huge event. If you're at the office or meeting with a family member or acquaintance, practice repeating back what you've heard and asked the speaker if you got everything right. It operates in the following way: You listen to a discussion and attempt to record as much as possible. When the person you're conversing with has finished speaking, ask whether it's okay if you repeat back what you heard them say. Then, to express your comprehension, offer highlights from the dialogue.
5. Maintain strong eye contact.
I've heard many individuals claim to be listening when their eyes are on anything other than the speaker. Listening with our entire body and senses is what active listening entails. Look at a person who's really speaking to develop or increase your listening abilities. Maintain eye contact with the speaker throughout their speech. This helps you to take in both the words and the facial emotions and movements that the person is making. It's hard not to learn something from the discussion if you keep your attention on the speaker.
6. Lean in close.
I was instructed that leaning in was a good way to communicate to a speaker that I was attending to what they were saying before reading Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg's novel Lean In.
I learned to utilize my ears and body to show professors, coworkers, and advisers that I was paying attention to what they were saying.
I also learned early on that leaning in would give me the boost of energy I needed to be a better listener if I was fatigued or otherwise unable to be completely present.
This counsel has stayed with me to this day. When I'm discussing with someone, and I'm very interested in what they're saying, I lean in as if we're sitting next to or across from each other.
If I'm standing next to the speakers, I'll get near enough to show that I'm interested in the dialogue as well as the individual.
7. Inquire about specifics.
When another person has completed speaking, check-in with words and queries like "What I understand you say is..." to verify you are hearing what they are saying. or “Is it safe to conclude that...” based on what you just said.“Where should I go to learn more about that?” you might potentially ask the person. Also, if you still don't comprehend what someone is saying after hearing them out entirely, don't be ashamed to remark, "I don't understand." “Could you please elaborate?”
8. Become intrigued.
Some of the most important discoveries have been produced as a result of an innovator's curiosity. Curiosity is a good thing when it comes to creativity, but it's also good when it comes to listening. When you're curious, you want to know all there is to know. You notice the nuances as well as the overt statements. Even after the discussion has ended, your inquisitive mind is still processing what you've heard.
9. Imagine how you would feel if you were in the same situation
It's challenging but vital to put yourself in the situation in someone else’s. It's a must if you want to be a good listener.
To be an engaged listener, envision yourself walking in the shoes of the other person and experiencing their feelings. Empathy for the person speaking is the goal of active listening.
It will be simpler to listen with interest if you envision yourself addressing life through the speaker's eyes.
10. Take notes.
Taking notes is one technique to avoid interrupting someone who is speaking.
Notes allow you to keep track of your own thoughts while also marking areas for further discussion with the speaker. They also show the person you're talking to that you're paying attention to what they're saying.
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