Parents play a key role in the development of anxiety, both biologically and environmentally. Our temperament is 65 percent connected to our DNA, and anxious parents tend to produce anxious children.
But it's not just genetics; parents with anxiety issues participate in a variety of actions or inaction that cause their children to become even more anxious.
Below is a list of all the different reasons your mum makes you nervous. However, it's critical to recognize how quickly everything may change, especially once you're on your own.
The first step is to recognize that you may be suffering from unhelpful anxiety, which is anxiety that holds you back and makes you worry rather than anxiety that is beneficial and helps you plan ahead for difficult situations.
You can then explore your connection with your mother or father, set boundaries with her, and work it all out in counseling.
According to experts, the treatment of choice for anxiety problems is cognitive behavioral therapy. It's effective, and people can improve.
Experts have identified 10 ways your mother may have contributed to your anxiousness.
1. She demands "Perfection" From You.
Any mother who expects her child to be "perfect" is setting them up for a life of anxiety. This usually revolves around grades and school while you were younger.
You might remember feeling butterflies in your stomach when you were expecting a report card, fearing the disappointment that may come from your mother.
As an adult, this might lead to concern about your work performance and how you take feedback. Her desire for perfection is likely to have spilled over into other areas as well.
If your mother expected you to be good at everything you tried (like instruments or sports) and treated you badly if you "failed," don't be surprised if you feel anxious as an adult when you aren't "perfect" or when you hit bumps in the road.
2. Your Mother Has Anxiety Issues.
In spite of genetics, if your mother suffered from anxiety, she may have unintentionally passed it on to you by modeling fear and avoidance.
Because she didn't enjoy it, she may have avoided public areas, adhered to a rigorous regimen, or even opposed travel. Avoidance habits exacerbate anxiety.
By educating you to avoid anxiety-provoking circumstances, you never gained the necessary distress tolerance abilities to control your anxiety.
Now you are an adult dealing with new or potentially stressful events.
3. She Has Phobias/Has Had Phobias.
Newsflash: You can't blame your mother for having her own phobias or issues, since she's human.
However, it is beneficial to evaluate how her anxieties may have rubbed off on you, such as her fear of driving, spiders, or heights.
It's also possible that your mother inadvertently instilled phobias in you, even if she didn't have them herself.
There are children who had phobias of spiders, for example, where mothers believed it was their responsibility to protect their children from the harmful ones with frequent warnings.
Of course, the great thing about anxiety and phobias is that you can unlearn them as an adult by venturing outside your comfort zone and proving to yourself that your concerns aren't so bad.
Seeing a therapist to acquire better coping methods may also be beneficial.
4. She's Always Been Extremely Unpredictably Unpredictable.
Consider the atmosphere in your home when you were a kid. If your mother was present and caring one minute and emotionally inaccessible the next, you may have grown up feeling psychologically unsteady and uneasy.
This is because, as a youngster, you never knew how your mother would treat you, as a result, you develop an anxious attachment, which causes you to feel uncomfortable, worried, and clingy as a youngster and later in adult relationships.
Examine your present relationships, especially romantic ones, to discover if you behave in this manner.
Your mother's unpredictability may be to blame if you get overly anxious about losing a partner or rely significantly on people to make you feel safe and comfortable.
5. She's Very Needy.
Nothing beats having your mother as a close friend as an adult – someone you can hang out with, confide with, laugh with over brunch, and so on. However, if she tried the entire BFF thing when you were much younger, that could explain why you have anxiety.
When this happens, children often feel a mixture of privilege and being overwhelmed in having to be there for their mother. This can lead to a hero complex, a lack of a distinct sense of self, poor boundaries, and chronic and debilitating anxiety in adult relationships.
6. You Were Forced To Be The Mother.
There is also the word "parentification", which refers to when a child is compelled to be the "parent" as they grow up.
Maybe you supported your mother through breakups or raised your younger siblings while she worked long hours - either way, it's not good.
New moms who had been "parentified" as children found it difficult to engage with their own children, according to a 2015 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology.
If this is the case, going to counseling to unpack how it affected you might be beneficial.
7. Your Mother Was A Harsh Critic.
Being too judgmental is another key way your mother may have elevated your odds of having anxiety.
At an early age, when people are criticized, minimized, put down, and labelled, it can result in anxiety in adulthood.
What is the explanation for this? A parent's input may be intended to help you achieve, but repeated criticism, like perfectionism, can make you feel guarded, on edge, and reluctant to take healthy risks.
8. She Made Remarks About Your Body.
Another source of anxiety is if your mother criticizes your weight and/or makes comments about your food-how much you eat, and so on.
This can lead to everything from anxiety and low self-esteem to more significant body dysmorphia and compulsive eating.
9. She Made You Always Walk On Eggshells, When You're Around Her.
If your mother was explosive, intolerant, excessively punitive, or had a short fuse, the dread of her exploding created an unstable living setting for you as a child. Unfortunately, as an adult, that fear can follow you around.
Starting to develop your own independence and autonomy, especially if your mother continues to act in this manner, may help you get to a better place.
Your mother had a big influence on your life growing up, but now you're your own person.
It implies you get to set limits and decide how much she will be involved in your life. It's quite fine if you don't want to see her or talk to her on a regular basis.
10. Your Mother Always Doubt Your Judgment.
Having a mother who doubts your judgment can be quite damaging. If you've heard 'that's not what you should be doing' a million times, you're going to hear it when you're on your own.
It is that internal monologue that frequently leads to worries about one's own ability and, as a result, anxiety.
What's the best way to regain your self-esteem? Start by making relatively tiny decisions, and take note when nothing horrible happens.
As your self-confidence improves, you'll be able to make bigger decisions.
Conclusion
If your mother has always been a source of anxiety for you, know that she is unlikely to change anytime soon (unless she engages in a lot of self-reflection).
It's vital to realize, with this truth, that we can't alter others. All we can do is adjust how we respond to them. So give yourself permission to create boundaries, alter your script, try new things, fail, and make mistakes.
It is important that you look for opportunities to learn from them. — and explore strategies to deal with your anxiety more effectively.
Thank you for reading. Please drop your comments!
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