There are many important factors that play a vital roll into creating a loving relationship. Certainly, it helps if two people have some things in common regarding how they like to spend their time with each other. It is very important to discus here that it is also helps if they have common values around religion or spirituality, around politics, the environment, abortion, and personal growth. If we said that each and every aspect of life can help to improve better understanding amount them, they both can know each other's liking and disliking's like we can say that if they both eat junk food or both eat organic food.
It makes things easier if both are hygienist, if both have value of time or both are late people. Both are attracted peoples or not. It’s great if they have common values around money and spending.
Now a couple can have all similarities of these but the element's that is missing is love and attention, they still not have a loving relationship. Without this essential ingredient, then all the other wonderful attributes will not be enough to make the strong relationship.
At any given moment, we all are only devoted to work on only one of two different intentions to control or to learn. When we want to control, then our deepest motivation is to have control over getting love by all or by someone, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. When we have intention to learn, and our deepest motivation is to learn about being loving to ourselves and others.
If we want to be loved by someone than we have to prove our selves but not to b loved by force.
If we do so, the motivation to get love rather than be loving can create havoc within a relationship.
Now we have to get explain through an example of Linda and Gory. Look at a typical relationship issue of two different intentions and see what happens regarding Linda and Gory are feeling emotionally distant from each other, and they haven’t made love and physical relation in a month. The problem started when Linda wanted to take an expensive vacation and Gory objected. She got angry, Gory gave in and not argued, and they have been distant ever since.
Linda’s intention was to have control over getting what she wanted. She equates an expensive vacation with love. If Gory does this for her, then he proves his love for her. She used her anger to have control over getting what she wants. She wants control over feeling special to Gory.
Gory's intention is to avoid pain. He gave himself up to have control over Linda not being angry with him. He hopes that by giving Linda what she wants, she will see him as a good and loving husband.
However, because both Gory and Linda were trying to control each other rather love themselves and each other, their selfish behavior created emotional distance. What would this have looked like if their intention had been to learn?
If Linda’s intent had been to learn, she would not have become angry with Gory. Instead, she would have to understand Gory's objections. If Gory's intention had been to learn, he would not have given himself up. Instead, he would have wanted to understand why this particular vacation was so important to Linda. Both Linda and Gory would have been caring about themselves and each other, rather than wanting to get love or avoid pain. In their mutual exploration about why they each felt the way they did, they would have learned what they needed to learn about themselves and each other to reach a win-win situation. Instead of Linda ostensibly winning and Gory losing, they would have come up with something both of them could live with. With some exploration of his financial fears, Gory might have decided that the vacation Linda wanted would be fine. With understand of Gory's financial concerns, Linda might have decided on a less expensive vacation. In the end, both of them would have felt fine about the outcome. No matter how much Gory and Linda have common habits or are attracted to each other, their love will diminish when their intent is to control rather than learn. It’s amazing how quickly love vanishes when one or both partners have the intent to control. It’s equally amazing how fast it comes back when both partners have the intent to learn.
It is very important to create balance in relationships. Important to love each other rather to control.
Love is every thing
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