Everywhere you look, there are instances of bullying and cyberbullying brought about by mean girls, frenemies, and even fake friends. These so-called friends are frauds that use other people. They also tend to be one-dimensional and part of cliques. For this reason, kids must know the difference between real friends and fake ones.
Fake Friends Are Selfish
Typically, a fake friend will only contact your child when they want or need something. They rarely text or call for other reasons. Be sure your child knows that if a friend never calls or texts to check-in, then that person is not really a friend at all.
Most likely, that person is using your child in some way. It also is possible that these types of friends are just so self-absorbed that it never crosses their minds to reach out.
Fake Friends Thrive on Gossip and Drama
Stress to your kids that if someone enjoys gossiping about others, then they may be gossiping behind their backs as well. Gossiping and spreading rumors have serious consequences and are based on relational aggression and other types of bullying.1
Fake Friends Require Faking It
The hallmark of a healthy friendship is that kids can be themselves. If your children feel like they have to wear a mask or cannot be authentic, then that is the sign of fake friends. In other words, if your child has to talk or dress differently to fit in with these friends, then they are not true friends.
Stress to your kids that true friends like them for who they are. They are probably part of a clique instead of a group of friends. Remember, fake friends often resort to peer pressure,2, which then leads to bullying, ostracizing, and other forms of relational aggression.
Fake Friends Lie
Many times, fake friends do not feel good about who they are, so they lie about their accomplishments, grades, clothes, possessions, and anything to make themselves look better. And if they lie about themselves, they will lie about your child too.
Be sure your child knows that it is probably not a healthy friendship if they catch a friend in multiple lies. It is hard to trust a liar, and trust is essential in a healthy friendship.3
Fake Friends Are Critical
If your kids' friends constantly criticize them, it is time to take a closer look at the friendships. Real friends are supportive and encouraging, but fake friends often criticize others or put them down. Girls, in particular, are guilty of being critical, especially about weight.
They engage in fat-shaming or make fun of someone thin.4 This type of bullying is hazardous because it can lead to eating disorders or self-harming behavior. Help your child find friends who are encouraging instead.
Fake Friends Are Envious
If your kids’ friends have something insulting to say every time your kids succeed, they are not real friends. Real friends celebrate one another’s accomplishments. While a normal feeling, jealousy can lead to bullying if it is not handled healthily.
Fake Friends Are Not Trustworthy
Usually, good friends will keep one another’s secrets. In other words, real friends do not tell the world who your child is crushing on. If your child’s friends are always spilling the beans, then it is time to start questioning whether that friend is a bully. Stress to your kids that trust is an essential ingredient in a healthy friendship. If they cannot trust their friends, then they are not true friends.
Fake Friends Sell Out Others
Real friends will stick up for one another, especially when faced with bullying. Meanwhile, a fake friend will either be a quiet bystander to the bullying or even participate in the bullying. If your kids' friends are regularly selling out them to save their own skin,5 your child should consider talking with their friend about being so passive or start looking for another group of friends.
A Word From Verywell
Overall, relationships with fake people do not result in healthy friendships. Fake friends are often not secure enough in who they are to be authentic. They struggle with selfishness, jealousy, and insecurities that keep them from being a true friend. Help your child realize this and move on.
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