In my experience, a couple trying to stop a divorce faces many challenges, some of these problems and challenges are often very surprising. One of the people who visited my site emailed me saying that I wouldn't believe how easy it was to work on some parts of the divorce prevention problem and that the hardest thing he and his wife faced was breaking old habits, changing the way the way they behaved, an automatic pilot that drives relationships to the wall.
That's what this article is about, trying to spot the point where you lose control of your goal (preventing and stopping divorce) and let autopilot take your relationship into trouble. By shedding light on a few points, I hope you will be better equipped the next time you face an argument or even a discussion.
The first point is all too easy, the blame game. How easy is that? Now honestly think about it, almost everyone does this and you have done it many times before, you play this stupid little game, you get caught up in this thought and lose control, not only does it escalate the situation but you get into a mindset of blame and anger , that wouldn't help you or anyone else achieve anything. What you really need to do is examine the situation, think about what you have done or what you usually do and what your husband is doing and be as objective as you can. Make a chart of the things you both do, never forget to notice the things you do wrong because everyone does something wrong and admit it to yourself and your husband.
Second, the sentence "you exaggerate". How helpful was that?, men often say this to women, but I've seen a few women do it too, and it's ugly, not only are you judging your husband, but you're also criticizing their response, like you have some right. Think about it for a moment, I'm sure you'll understand that it's a terrible thing to say and that you shouldn't even think about saying it, take things too far if your partner is upset, focus on that , why he or she got into this situation and deal with it, don't push it away and attribute what you think is an overreaction to your partner.
Children or family matters, this is an extremely delicate matter. Using children as weapons in arguments and fights is something a lot of people do, a classic example of losing control and saying things you'll regret for a long time. A bright stop sign, if you see it when you are angry and upset, in the middle of an argument, try your best to avoid using your children or other family members in arguments.
The last point, which is a general piece of advice I can give you, when you're discussing things with your partner or even when you're arguing or fighting, try to balance the situation, try to balance the power and the objectivity of the situation. This means that no one has clear control over the discussion, that it is a free - equal debate between two people and not a lecture or verbal beating of one person or another.
I will discuss these issues further in the next article, good luck in saving your relationship and stopping the divorce.
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