Depression is a common mental health issue that affects millions of people every year, whether they’re directly affected by it or they’re in a close relationship with someone who’s depressed. As you can imagine, such a serious and sometimes life-threatening condition can be devastating to the person struggling with it, as well as their friends and family members who care about them. Knowing how to make your depressed friend feel better even if they’re right can help with the healing process and keep the relationship intact in the long run.
Talking About It
You can’t fix it. You can’t solve it. You can’t pull them out of their current state of mind, but you still have something to offer: solidarity and understanding. Your friends are no doubt feeling down, so let them know that you’re there for them, even if they feel like they don’t want to be helped. Tell them that it is okay for them not be okay, and that you support whatever decision they make at any point in time. And if things get really bad? Encourage your friend(s) to seek professional help without getting judgmental about their lack of initiative. No one is invincible, and everyone needs a helping hand from time to time. Be supportive and caring when you offer this suggestion, or else your advice will go unheeded (and you’ll end giving up on the person). It’s ok for someone who has been depressed for years or decades to say I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Don’t believe the stigma attached to mental illness – life doesn’t happen overnight.
Knowing The Difference Between Assumptions and Facts
The first thing you need to do is determine if your friend’s feelings are fact-based or assumption-based. It can be hard, but it’s important: there’s a big difference between an unhappy situation that your friend has brought on herself and one that is actually beyond her control. You can’t change facts, so focus on helping her identify situations that might be assumptions and ways she can bring them under control. For example, maybe she thinks things are moving too slowly in her career; suggest that she meet with management about scheduling more shifts or sitting down with colleagues who have been working at their current positions for longer to find out what they’ve done to get noticed at work. Maybe he feels he doesn’t have enough money to buy the things he wants; suggest that he create a budget and then look into applying for scholarships or finding better deals. Maybe she feels like nobody cares about her; ask her how she knows this (maybe she hasn’t reached out to people lately?) and then brainstorm other strategies for making new friends.
Taking their Advice (And yours) with a Grain of Salt
A depressed person isn’t 100% right, nor are they 100% wrong. If you’re helping someone who is feeling down, don’t take everything that they say at face value. This is especially true if their moods have changed recently. Tread carefully and remember that maybe—just maybe—they may be wrong about some things. The fact of the matter is, when we’re depressed, our self-esteem takes a beating and many of us start believing we suck at life (even if it’s not true). We start believing that nothing will ever get better for us because we are never going to be able to improve our situations. Believe me when I tell you that this simply isn’t true! There are always ways to make things better and happier–even when we can’t see them in front of us. It might take time or effort 'but' there’s always something out there waiting for us. And even if there is nothing waiting, remember how far you’ve come–and how far you’ll go again!
Do Something Nice For Them
Rather than focusing on getting your friend to feel better by telling them how they should be feeling, try doing something nice for them. Think about what things you can do that might be an improvement in their life. Perhaps offering them a free massage or buying them some ice cream when they need it most is exactly what they need from you. Try being thoughtful and giving them something nice without expecting anything in return—even if it’s just for that day. Remember that the world is not only what happens around them. Do things with them. Be active together! That will give both of you something to talk about and engage in together.
Keep Them Busy, But Not Too Busy
Overwhelmed people are unhappy people. That’s because we need downtime in order to stay mentally healthy. In fact, every moment you spend idle can make you feel worse because your brain goes into self-defeating overdrive. So if you want your friend to feel better, take steps to keep him or her busy–but not too busy. It may be time for a mini-break (or several). Leave work early one day and meet for coffee; go out on Saturday afternoon instead of making plans on Friday night; or have fun at home one night rather than going out in your social circle. The key is figuring out what’ll help cheer up your friend while keeping them active enough 'so' they don’t feel like they’re moping around all day.
Don’t Tell Them To Cheer Up
When your friend is depressed, they’re likely feeling low. Tell them to cheer up 'and' it only makes things worse because they don’t want to feel better until you recognize why they’re not feeling good. Instead of telling them how they should feel, try asking what’s wrong first. Once you understand their issue, figure out how best you can help them with it. Let them know that you care and would like to do anything you can to make them feel better. Listen without judgment or criticism when they talk about what’s bothering them; just be there for your friend as an ear that listens without judgment or criticism.
Take Care Of Yourself So You Can Take Care Of Others
Most of us have friends who suffer from depression and don’t really know how to help them. This is because depression is an incredibly complicated disease that’s characterized by persistent sadness and lack of interest in daily activities. But there are ways you can support depressed friends, even if they feel like their concerns aren’t valid. There are many steps you can take, like checking on them frequently, asking about their mood, talking about it openly with them—or just listening when they need someone to listen. No matter what form your friendship takes, there are steps you can take to make sure your friend feels understood and supported as they work through their struggle with depression.
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