Learning how to let go of someone you love – someone you’ve built a deep connection with and whom you’ve shared your life with – is likely one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. That’s why so many people break up, but never truly discover how to move on. If these signs are familiar, you may be one of those people:
You’re always wondering what could have been
You think of the person constantly, or at time when you’d rather not
You spend a lot of time reliving memories or looking them up on social media
You bring them up often when talking to friends
When you’re feeling down, they’re the first person you think to call
You make changes to your life or appearance to get them back
You feel anxious or even angry when you see the person
You blame them or want to get revenge for perceived slights
Letting go of someone you love isn’t easy, but holding on only holds you back from the possibility of an extraordinary relationship. To focus your energy on living positively and proactively, you need to learn how to move on. Are you ready to let go of relationships that no longer serve you?
The hardest thing about letting go is making the decision and feeling okay about it. The ‘what-if’s’ will kill you and talk you into tightening your grip every time. That doesn’t mean they’re right. Set a time limit (‘If I’m still unhappy in six weeks …’) (‘If this happens one more time …’). There are some questions to ask yourself to sure up your resolve:
• Do I feel bad more than I feel good? If yes, it’s time to let go.
• What has to change for me to feel happy and secure? Have I ever seen this before?
• Is this person, job, relationship is capable of giving me what I need?
• What do I get from staying? Is it something real? Or something long gone. When was the last time I got this?
There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when to let go. Giving up is ‘I can’t’. Letting go is, ‘I won’t.’ The difference is subtle in sound but enormous in impact. Giving up comes from a place of defeat. ‘I don’t have the capacity or the ability to do this. I’m spent.’ Letting go, on the other hand, comes from a position of strength. It’s a decision to cut yourself from the things that weigh you down. Fight for them, and fight hard, but know when to stop
You’re not doing something wrong. You’re doing something brave.
If you’re questioning whether to let go of something that’s been there a while, it might feel risky or it might feel wrong. It might even feel selfish. But it’s not any of those things. It’s brave. Really brave. If you’re at the point where you’re hanging on to something that doesn’t feel right anymore, or that’s hurting you, one of the bravest and strongest things you can do is to listen to that, especially in the face of that keeps giving you reasons to hang on tighter. There’ll probably be a few of those reasons, but that doesn’t make them good ones. It probably makes them habits – and you don’t want to ruin yourself over a habit.
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