I have had many self-esteem problems in my life, all of which I have faced or overcome. I have written about some of these stories below.
1. Bald Patch
2. My height
3. My weight
4. Stuttering
5. My lack of faith in myself
6. My job
BALDNESS
Although it may seem trivial to some people, I was born bald the size of ten pennies. As I was growing up and especially in my teens I became very self-conscious and confused.
It was especially noticeable when it rained or when I went swimming as my hair was getting wet. People at school made fun of me and I always tried to hide and cover my head even though most people knew about it.
It hurt when people laughed at me and finally stopped swimming.
MY FAR
To all my close male family and friends, I am 5ft shorter. I've been called many names, the best one is "Shorty".
I was always jealous of other people who were taller than me. I hoped that one day I might be late. This never came.
My height has touched me in sports. I wanted to be a striker in football but the coaches only wanted people over 6ft tall. In snooker I have to constantly use the rest which makes it difficult to play at a high level and in tennis I was always cheated. It also meant that I felt comfortable only dating women 5ft 3 and under which reduces the market a lot.
MY WEIGHT
During high school I was very thin. This may be the result of my parents' change of vegetarian diet when I was a teenager. At that time there was very little replacement food and it seemed like we were going from having meat and two vegetables to just two games.
Since my parents were cooking, I had no choice but to change the vegetables. A few weeks later I went to them and told them that I missed them and wanted to eat meat. They understand to some extent and say:
“If you want it, you cook it”
Over the years I have not been able to cook well for a few days a week and little by little.
People at school called me names like skin and bone and my weight became another paranoia for me.
THE FOREIGNER
When I was four years old I had a tongue. This gradually got worse as I got older although my parents were told I would get out of it.
What skilled people can organize as simple activities like reading a book at school, answering questions, saying my name and address, ordering things at a bar or restaurant, and talking on the phone became a never-ending battle.
It was a very frustrating obstacle, as I seemed to be able to communicate fluently with people I knew well and with whom I felt comfortable, but sometimes especially under any form of pressure I could not say anything.
When I was 22 years old after 11 months of hard work and exercise I was able to overcome my shortcomings and now I am helping other stutterers to learn better as well as helping people with self-esteem problems.
MY UNBELIEF
I always had a lack of faith in certain places.
I can see a woman in a bar and want to go over and talk to her but I have a bad attitude that I am not good, why would she be interested in me? I'm stuttering, bald, low-maintenance and very thin.
Even if I go to him and succeed, I will still be expected to buy him a drink, maybe call him, maybe meet his parents, and maybe even get married! The thought of trying to do these things with a lack of confidence in the community was too much for me.
I left school at the age of sixteen mainly due to insecurity and stuttering, but I had trouble finding a job. My lack of faith also became apparent. Who would want to date a person who is rude, insecure, and timid?
MY JOB
After finishing school at the age of sixteen I now had to find a job. Suffering and stuttering and general lack of confidence meant that a job involving a phone call or regular contact with other people was not really an option.
I decided that it would probably be best for me to apply for a job in an office and eventually get a position in an insurance company.
I started in the lowest grade, the second and the work was routine and unusual. The average time to stay at this level before being promoted was six months. The third grade post involved phone sharing and this is something I found very difficult to use.
In order to be promoted you have to apply in writing to your line manager and if you pass the interview you will be promoted. My attitude was that if I did not apply I would stay as a second grader, which is what I wanted. I was probably the only person in the world who did not want to be promoted.
My supervisor would occasionally ask me why I was not applying and making excuses. To keep her happy I took insurance tests. Three years later I had just finished my first degree, which was a set of five tests. To my great surprise my supervisor congratulated me on raising me in third grade from Monday without the need for an interview.
This promotion should actually give me a sense of confidence though as my stuttering was uncontrollable under pressure and some of my colleagues were making fun of me and I became more withdrawn and depressed.
I was invited to parties and made excuses as to why I could not go as I did not believe I could handle the event and all the entertainment involved.
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