Have you ever burst into tears at the office or gotten irrationally angry after a small inconvenience? It probably caught you by surprise as much as anyone else. It is disorienting to find yourself in a moment when you don’t know how to express your feelings.
Think about a volcano: molten rock is trapped inside, pressure builds, until one day, boom — it explodes. Lava flows. Everywhere.
That's what it feels like if you get into a habit of bottling up your emotions until they explode uncontrollably. Uncontrollable eruptions aren't good for you, and they scare or put off others, as well. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to express your feelings in healthy, productive ways, whether in the workplace or with your friends and family.
EMOTION
Emotions are part of our everyday lives. Sometimes, it can feel like our feelings control how we think and act to the point where we feel like we’re not in control. Experiencing and expressing emotions are integral parts of life. But, for many people, emotions remain mysterious, confusing, and difficult to express constructively. This brochure provides information about learning to incorporate emotions into your life in healthy ways, including how to express them in ways that are conducive to building healthy relationships.
You’re sitting there looking at your friend, or partner, or therapist. You meet their questioning gaze, knowing you have the chance to share… but the words seem stuck in your throat.
You might feel your heart racing as you try to figure out what to say. Maybe a part of you wants to open up, but another part just isn’t so sure.
Maybe you’re not even sure how you feel.
Expressing your feelings can be a complicated process for some, and feeling uncomfortable sharing isn’t uncommon. But why do you feel the need to hold back? And is there a way to learn this valuable skill?
Learn the vocabulary of feelings. It can be hard to express what you are feeling when you do not have the words to do so. Try looking at “feelings charts,” which can easily be found through an internet search, to understand the range of emotion and to learn words to describe feelings.[4]
Try to learn words that make your feelings as specific as possible. For example, instead of saying “good,” which is very general, use words like “joyful,” “fortunate,” “appreciative,” or “elated.” Conversely, instead of saying you feel “bad,” say you feel “irritated,” “uncertain,” “discouraged,” or “rejected.”
Emotional intelligence is a skill, and some people are better at recognizing and communicating emotions than others. Among the Big Five personality traits—openness, extroversion, conscientiousness, agreeableness, and neuroticism—several studies have found that people high in extroversion tend to have higher emotional expressiveness, while people high in neuroticism tend to be less expressive.
Like other skills, the ability to communicate feelings can be strengthened through practice, and a big part of it is first recognizing the emotions you’re having, as well as what’s causing them.
Doing this exercise will allow you to express yourself positively by communicating responsibly and taking proactive actions that will make you proud of who you are becoming, increasing your optimism and enhancing your interpersonal relationships.
There are three main pillars of self-expression, each of which is important in allowing you to authentically express yourself. They are:
• Emotional self-expression
• Assertiveness
• Independence
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