Teenage aggression and arguments:
Find out how to deal with heated arguments with your teenager, and what to do if they become violent.
This article covers:
How to defuse arguments with your teen.
How to deal with violent behavior.
Concerned about mental health issues?
How to defuse arguments with your teen:
It's useful to remember that your behavior can improve or worsen an aggressive situation, so it's important to be a good role model for your teen.
If you act aggressively but tell your teenager not to, they will not listen. It's also helpful to remember that their anger is often based on the fear that they're losing control.
Try these tips:
Try to maintain a calm and peaceful presence, you need to be strong without being threatening.
Makes sure your body language reflects your willingness to listen.
Avoid staring them in the eye and give them personal space.
If an argument feels out of control, explain to your teen that you are going to walk away and come back again in half an hour for things to calm down.
These can help take the intensity out of an argument. Take a deep breath, hold for a few seconds and then exhale. Repeat 5 times.
When your teen is calm, suggest this technique to them so they, too, have a way of controlling their anger.
Remember that teens may not know how to handle their anger, and this can leave them frustrated and frightened.
However, as with toddlers, if you give in to teenagers because their shouting and screaming intimidate you, you are in effect encouraging them to repeat the unreasonable behavior as a way of getting what they want.
How do deal with violent behavior?
Sometimes, teen aggression can turn into violence. If they lash out at you, or someone or something else, put safety first.
Let your teenager know that violence is unacceptable and you will walk away from them until they've calmed down. If leaving the room or house is not helping, call the police. After all, if you feel threatened or scared, then you have the right to protect yourself. Family members can discuss & helped a violent teen.
Gives them space, once they have calmed down, you may want to talk to them about what has happened and suggest that they let you find them some help.
Be clear, teenagers need to know that you will stand by the boundaries you set. They need to know that any kind of violence is unacceptable.
Discuss, to their school, and find out if their aggressive behavior is happening there as well. Some schools offer to counsel.
Avoid using violence towards your teen – this sets a positive example that violence is not OK. Arrange to counsel, if your teen admits they have a problem and is willing to get help, book an appointment with a counselor or psychologist as soon as possible. Speak to a general physician or their school about what help is available.
Concerned about mental health issues?
If you're worried that your teen has a mental health problem such as depression, talk to a general physician. They can refer them to the child or adolescent for mental health assistance, who in turn can refer all or some of you for family therapy.
If you are having trouble coping with your teenager, and you suspect you may have symptoms of depression or other mental health problems, discuss this with a general physician. They can then suggest suitable treatment.
You may, for example, be referred for counseling, or directed to support groups or other services in your area.
Many organizations offer emotional support and practical advice to you and your teen. At such an important development stage, teens must learn how to communicate well and healthily express anger.
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