For years, I was fueled by fear all I saw when I looked in the mirror was inadequacy all, I saw was brokenness my own and that of the world around me but not anymore, today I want to share with you a practice that helps me feel fully loved and fully known something that isn't always comfortable, but I believe is necessary it stems from the way.
I grew up in a small beautiful town with loving parents and neighbors who knew me by name, my quaint town could have been featured on a vintage postcard, but all that beauty was a veneer that had brokenness, much of the town was adrift many of my friends and even their parents sought to the ground in things like being drinking and drugs denying the realities, around them so much, so that by the time I was 16, I already had three close friends threatened to take their own lives with one succeeding, these cycles continued year after year in my small town and I too felt adrift I secretly felt worthless but felt compelled to pretend like nothing was wrong, so afraid of being caught in the patterns of the destruction that I saw happening around me, I came up with a solution, I self-diagnosed as the neighborhood, anchor, I was the friend that people would call in the middle of the night to cry, to I was the designated driver at every party, and I was the trustee who volunteered every community event, I grounded myself in busyness, but it was only my drug of choice I being on busyness and serving others like my friend's Bing don cheap beer, and it wasn't until someone else my parents in this case held up a mirror for me to examine myself did I not realize how far from grounded, I was neglecting myself have you ever felt adrift what's your drug of choice, have you ever wondered if people knew you and if they did would they even care, I've wondered this often I've wondered if potentially the answer could have helped with all the silent suffering that I saw and experienced, and then I found something that helps me with the answer it is, this accountability mutual accountability with others, I've learned that a mirror constructed by our perceptions does not often portray an accurate image of who we are it's clouded by pride or insecurity fear inadequacy mutual accountability means being transparent and permitting for others to see the real you and for them to actually tell you what they see.
Years after I left my small town I practiced this type of accountability in a trio with two women my age here are the rules each week we ask each other ten questions in a confidential environment there is true transparency and honesty with no judgment, there's charity and grace accompanied by the strength I'll give you an example, of some of the questions we ask, and I encourage you to reflect and think about how you would answer some are more emotional such as what bitterness or resentment have you experienced and how are you expressing a loving attitude or what worries or concerns are you currently facing others more practical like how are you security, your finances, and some encouraging what is something to celebrate what is something that you are proud of my friend see me, and I'm gonna To be honest sometimes I don't want to enter the conversation with my trio, it can be brutal as I know that they may have some hard truths for me to hear that week and vice versa, but I think it's important to continue, I believe that to feel fully loved we must feel fully known which requires a certain level of honesty, I do not want to be simply known as a picturesque postcard version of myself but as the real and imperfect image of me imagine, If we all practice this what would it look like for the spouse who's tempted to have an affair with a co-worker if they were being honest and held accountable in this situation imagine the business person who has the option to cut corners and his work and make an unethical choice imagine your friends holding you accountable to your own dream maybe it's becoming an artist or going back to school and encouraging you to take the next step, my friends see the real me they say what is hard to say and often hard to hear, but they have also taught me that this can come from a place of love and not of judgment and there's a bonus having these questions in my head continually make me mindful through, the week I've learned I'm learning how to receive criticism and not be so defensive about my failures, do you ever fear that you'll wake up in ten years and not be proud of what you see that you may be caught in the very patterns that kept you from achieving your dreams, that fear is very real for me, but now when I wake up I plant my feet firmly on the ground putting one foot in front of the other knowing that I will not be caught in the habits that will keep me from moving forward, when I look back on myself in that small town.
I wish I could tell her that though those fears may never go away they will not leave her adrift one day when she is older she will walk in the company of others who challenge her to be better but love her for who she is, and I'm not the only one who's experienced this I've had mentors who have practiced this type of accountability for over 30 years as they've walked through difficulty in marriage job changes disease and even death of loved ones, so I challenge you to reach out to two trusted peers with whom you can practice mutual accountability with no matter what age or season of life having people love you and challenge you and hold you accountable can always be of benefit.
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