Ever since mathematics taught counting, we keep counting every moment, every hour, every second. There is a difference in these counts. Somebody wants to sit alone in the house and count the Doors, Windows, Number's in watches. While counting of last moments of life, someone wants to count the left moments. One wants to count the years required to meet a dream. There are a lot of emotions hidden behind that counts. Mankind is tightly attached with feelings, when he goes to do something different, he is unable to do it. Because with every outward step of a man, the storm of emotions starts arises after this he wants to return home from the middle of the way. The thought of getting out of the house and doing something is really Great. But it is very difficult to make it. Since I started living out of the house, every single strand inside me mourns. I am also one of those people who have a big dream, and put their bets behind these big dreams. I have been out of the house for almost 8 years, and every time I count the days that are going far away from my life, my house. Till today, everywhere, father comes to leave me on Railway Stations. I keep looking in his eyes, something hidden in his eyes. They want to say a lot but because of the relationship between me and my father, eyes are unable to speak. Whenever I am trying to say goodbye to mother, I keep counting the drops dripping from her eyes. Their value is more than millions and crores. The pain behind it, it keeps telling me something like "Please Don't go anywhere, stay with me, I will feed you with my hand till my last breath". Sister's giving money secretly, brother's not letting us go, it is even more difficult to avoid all these things. Sometimes I feel that I should leave the counting of these dreams and go back to my home. And live As a small child, As a life that had the feeling of being near to our parents. And put a Full stop on a dream. But the other part of my heart and mind, doesn't know why, wants to push me somewhere far away in the dark ruins of those dreams. It has always 'conquered' my goal. And this process of counting continues inside me all the time. After reaching home, I keep counting 'how many days are left' now. Counting starts as soon as I leave home, now when will I be lucky to go home? Often I keep marking on the calendar and keep counting. Every page of the calendar is full of my counts, and this pages shows pain behind this count. I have not understood this till today, is it a crime to see big Dream, or it is a crime to count the days which are going far away from me. I sleep with open eyes at every night. Every night I keep counting of the previous nights. I am often scared at night. Because they have vanished a peaceful Sleep from my life. The darkness of night always wants to conquer me. Maybe my close ones cannot see my tears, but I know how many nights I have spent crying. Their count is still going on in my mind. But there is hope that I will return forever and stay with my family. But even for this, how many years will be required, do you know?
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