If you haven't read The 7 Habits, now is probably NOT the time to read it.
I notice you can't or shouldn't read it until you're ready. Let me explain it:
I read it in 1993 when I was 20. If I had read it at 19 I would have had none of it. To be honest, when I read this, it was really an answer to my prayers.
There are concepts in this book that are so powerful that just reading them (without consciously putting them into practice) changed my life.
For example, I constantly found myself comparing what was happening in my life to what I had just read. If someone said an offensive thing to me, my initial feeling would be anger, but on the heels of that thought would come something I read in the 7 Habits. I would think, “Hey! This reminds me of when Covey wrote about ___________.” And by the time that thought was gone, so was the negative situation.
Thinking has become a lot of fun!
Even the first 3 habits were enough to make me incredibly excited to interact with others. You could live for 1000 years and not come up with these concepts on your own.
The 4th habit was my favorite. It is called "Seek first to understand, then to be understood". I wish I did it more… now that I'm married! But then it helped me to become a very good "Speaker". I could talk to people and help them not to "drown in the psychological air" around me. People want to be understood. If you constantly argue your point of view, no one feels understood and ideas are harder to implement. ANY IDIOT CAN ARGUAGE! The whole world seems to put a lot of emphasis on debate...and being able to destroy other people's opinions with your logic and wit.
But that's not power. Like I said: any idiot can argue. Not 1 in 1,000 people can TRULY think another person's opinion is correct. Even fewer of them can stop and say to themselves, “I'm 110% sure I'm right and the other person is wrong, but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Let me consider their opinion and listen to what they have to say.'
Now that's real power.
I once shared this concept with an opinionated individual. They started yelling at me saying that I was wrong and that if you know you are right you have to stand up and prove the other person wrong. With a smile on my face, I replied, "Maybe you're right." LOL! They didn't even notice the fact that I had just done to them what I was advocating.
It's amazing what happens to people when you tell them what you think they're trying to do. You end up starting a lot of your sentences with "...so what you're saying is...". Once you start showing the person that you are not there to argue, their back will drop; the urgency in their voice drops; they calm down; and then they will listen to your opinion without a fight.
As Covey explains, the best way to influence others is... to be INFLUENCED.
It's such a good book and full of principles to help you in all your dealings, but I find that you have to be in a position in your life to put it into practice. It will work great if you can practice it every day in settings like:
- a family member dealing with difficult situations
-manager
…or anyone who needs to deal with people on a daily basis. If you feel a strong need to know how to deal with others more effectively, you may now be ready for this book.
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