Creating and Enforcing Teen Dating Rules
After you talk to your teen about all the big-ticket items in the dating world that you want to cover, you can use what you learned in your conversations to come up with personalized dating rules that work for you and your teen. These rules will look different for everyone because they have different teens, personal experiences, and preferences. Doing whatever you need to do in order to make sure that your child is safe and prepared for the dating world will help both of you feel more comfortable, but there may be some things you need to keep in mind along the way.
Make It a Conversation
Parents, I know you know that it doesn't feel good when someone tells you what you can/can't do. And, your teen feels the same way. One of the best ways to help ensure that your child will actually be receptive to your rules and agree to follow them is if you make it a conversation. Talk to them. Work on creating rules together. Give your child some sense of autonomy and help them set rules alongside you in a partnership. If you tell your child to not date the drummer, they're going to date the drummer.
Listen to Your Teen
Listen to your child. Like, really listen. You can't know what kind of guidance or support your teen needs or is looking for off the top of your head. It puts too much pressure on yourself as a parent. It can also lead you to create rules that are ineffective because they don't apply to your teen's situation or are rules that other people tell you are important but that you might not even believe in. Only you and your child can come up with the best rules for your family.
Compromise
Compromising is going to be important when establishing rules for teenagers. They are going to protest over some aspects and push back, and that's okay. Being flexible with certain rules will make your teen feel like you trust them. Also, they will be more likely to follow through with them if they think they are fair. At the end of the day, does it really matter whether your teen is home by either 8:30 p.m. or 9:00 p.m. as long as you know that they are safe?
Talk About How to Move Forward From Mistakes
Mistakes are a way of life. Your teen is bound to make them along the way as they navigate the dating world. For example, your teen may come home late or forget to tell you that they are hanging out with their partner after school. Talking to your child about how to move forward from mistakes is what's important. You and your teen may want to discuss consequences and action plans.
Go Easy on Yourself
Give yourself a pat on the back or a full-blown round of applause after you have had these conversations with your teen. Talking to your teenager about dating is not easy. Neither is figuring out what rules you want or don't want to have in your household. If you don't feel like you covered everything, or made a rule that you don't like, it's okay. You can keep having these conversations with your child as they continue to navigate the dating world. Your rules may evolve as they do.
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