Kristina, 32
“S e x is extremely important in my relationship, and in all the relationships that have come before. Even as an 18-year-old virgin living back home in the Czech Republic, I was intrigued by s e x and read absolutely everything I could on the subject. When I finally became intercourse active, I had a somewhat scientific approach, to the point that I had a relationship s e x calendar. I noted when I had s e x with my partner, the duration, the positions we tried, and the intensity of the orgasm – with each being rated by an emoji.
This need to control and measure everything (if you can’t measure you can’t improve) stemmed from a belief that if a man is satisfied intercourse in a relationship, he won’t need to look for happiness elsewhere. I equated s e x with love and if I wasn’t having s e x every day with my partner, I believed it meant he didn’t love or find me attractive. So, when my now partner of three years first moved in, I was expecting to have steamy s e x every day and didn’t want to accept that life would get in the way or that he might not want to have s e x all the time. It took patience and a year in therapy to learn that not having s e x daily doesn’t mean that I’m not loved.
I still find s e x and pleasure extremely important and I’m lucky that my partner is open to ideas and happy to talk about everything, and I think because s e x is so important to me I’ve kept the attraction we have for one another alive. This has surprised my partner as he hadn’t expected our s e x life to keep getting better the longer we are together. However, he’s glad that I no longer record and rate our s e x life, but he has learned that for his wellbeing and mine, it’s best not to have gaps above 48-hours between s e x sessions.
Happy ever after? What to *really* expect from moving in with your partner for the first time
Kristiana, 26
“I’m Guyanese and my partner of two and half years is Pakistani, and while we were both raised in Canada, talking about s e x is very taboo in both of our cultures. This is why for years I thought s e x was supposed to be painful, until I eventually discovered that the pain I regularly experienced was caused by severe endometriosis.
Previous partners shamed me and made me feel small and unworthy because of my inability to be regularly intimate, but my current partner has always been super supportive, patient and understanding. And since I had a surgery that’s allowed me to experience s e x without much if any discomfort, we’re now able to be intimate more frequently and it’s only enhanced our relationship.
Our love for each other has increased, there’s a new spark and an even stronger attraction between us. But, I also feel like I can finally be my full self, and experience pleasure. It’s showed me how important s e x can be in enhancing a relationship and has helped me feel more comfortable in my body.”
“We’ve found true happiness in our non-intercourse relationship that centres emotional support and caregiving over romance and s e x ”
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