What is Life ? Celebration or a Burden?

The Timeline of this Story Goes Back to, 2006

Kumar told me to come and work. He offered me rupees two thousand per month. It was the summer month of September. I had a great passion for learning the work of birdwatching. I was also fascinated by the sweet and savory food of the resort. Sometimes I was at the department store, and sometimes at the supermarket for the shopping for the arriving tourists.

Fifteen days have passed doing the same. The bosses also returned to Kathmandu after carrying out the general maintenance of the resort. The responsibilities of every work were on my shoulders.

 The resort had nine staff members, each with their responsibilities. The watchman was a well-known liquor connoisseur. The waiter was of the same type, among them was a guide named Mines. He was such a special kind of person that there were no words to describe him. He considered himself perfect in the work environment, but in my eyes, his work was not satisfactory. He was also more senior than me in age and dignity. He didn't want to teach me birdwatching anymore, thinking I would overtake his job as a birding guide.

 It was about three o'clock in the winter, and the sun was shining. The two of us went out to watch the birds in the wetland. He neglected and instructed me to go back and not to follow him. I thought this was an outcome of respecting him. Tears were bursting down my cheeks.

What he thought after that I did not know. He wiped the tears from my cheeks with his hand. I felt crushed for him at the time. I respected him because he was older and more experienced than me. He also belonged to a lower-class family like me.

Time was favouring me well. I was quite satisfied with the job I had. Some money started coming in hand. All I had to do was do the shopping. Everything seemed to be good. Tourists were arriving in Nepal increasingly. In some cases, I guided and ran the group at the same time.

 Tourist season was also over. The staff also went to their homes on a long vacation. Guide Mines took a long vacation home. 

Now only one watchman and I were at the resort. The job was not just to observe the birds and make a report. I was able to identify about 300 species of birds.

 The premises of the resort were very spacious, covering an area of ​​about one hector. A group of Lowland community people was living around it, Thar u village. Not only the Thar u people but also other Lowland castes were living there. In the sun, when people had time to eat and take a siesta. There was a teenage girl named Shira.  She was about sixteen or seventeen years old at the time. She looked good in her disguise in her tribal dress.

She looked as if I was supposed to talk to her, to flirt with her. She wantonly loved me. She would try to be close to me when she was mowing the grass or picking snails from the fishery pond. I would come to the view tower situated at the resort and would watch her activities. I enjoyed this not only for me but, also for her. I could see this feeling clearly from the expression on her face. I would not  go near her. I would watch her through my binoculars. Such flirts were being made.

  One day I boldly called her and invited her to the dining hall of the resort. She was also coming toward me in fear. She came, and I gave her an apple that was in the refrigerator, but she did not obey to have it. She could not speak Nepali very well.

I was observing her keenly. And she tried to get out without saying anything. And I caught her right hand without saying a word. And I kissed her lip and hugged her. She did not reject it. I wanted to release her handcuffs from my body, but she refused it, even saying not a single word. I understood, but I refused to do it because I knew that the consequences of such actions would be tragic. I freed myself from her bondage anyway. That was a unique experience for me.

 After that, she went out and so did I. I started to do the sweet talk in the Thar u language. This is how the time was going. She often came alone at midday time. I was used to be alone.

We enjoyed the company a lot of time doing relax. She was lovely and quite innocent. It seemed that she wanted me a lot. The 16-year-old emotion was unknowingly harassing her.

The birds started migrating far off the countries like Siberia, Mongolia, and Central Europe.  Dash ain(a Hindu festival, celebrated across Nepal happily and devotedly worshiping Goddess Drug a) came and October Dash ain also took a leave. Guide Mines also came from home to work.

Now he started playing various things on me. It was indirect fear of happening something wrong with Shira. I had been feeling terrible about that. I felt some pinching pain in my heart. He started biting me again and again. Even if the bell rang at the outer gate, my heart was pounding.

The news came with Shira's elopement to a fifty-year-old man. I was happy because what I had thought was automatically over.

 Now the story takes a new turn in my life, a new turn that can not be forgotten. Mines said to me, "Shira has AIDS. People talk in the chock".

 Now I felt like I was a dead one. My body was trembling . I couldn't feel the sun shining on my body. Maybe Mines was waiting for that moment. Mines was celebrating my mood.

I could not do the test because my mind was saying, "If you have AIDS, you will suffer more. Don't run for the test." It was terrible suffocation. Neither I live life nor enjoy it. Every moment I was thinking and thinking about this. Time was spent with deadly regret.

I bounded into marriage to another girl. But I could not feel peace in my heart. Now another mental torment started. In some cases, I expect it would have been better to die being bitten by a snake and be finished eventually.

However, I could sleep at night. Even in my dreams, I used to see friends like me having AIDS. My heart used to get cold even when I saw the board saying that HIV is tested here.

 While this was going on, my wife got pregnant. Now I felt that I had transmitted HIV to my child and of course to my wife. Before the delivery, my wife was undergoing an HIV test in the hospital. I was getting deadly fear of being a patient with AIDS.HIV test was done, and a negative report came. But the mind was not still completely happy.

 I quit my job at the resort. The Maoists had destroyed the country. Tourists had stopped coming to Nepal. I planned to fly abroad to get the job. Dubai was my destination. I had had a medical test. The test was HIV Negative at the end. Life was calling me to come back.

 Guide Mines also quit his job. He is also a father of two kids. I suffered for around four years. Perhaps how he would feel my great mental stress. I suppose he had played such a game to supply me a horror pain. So he told me lie to me. I excused him, but what would the god do to him. The question is not answerable at all. 

Shira does not have HIV. It was just a bad dream coming to me, hissing to bite like a cobra snake.

 Now I am completely stress-free. I have a wife with two lovely children. And I say life is not a burden, but a celebration of the whole life in this world.